The Pianist
by Ritsu Tonks
Summary: Kisa Shouta, a thirty-year-old university lecturer is struggling to get over his past lover who had broken up with him ten years ago. One day, he hears a melodic piano music, exactly the same as the one that was playing on the day his ex broke up with him, and that's where everything starts to blossom between him and Yukina Kou.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

 **Hello there! So to those who had read this story (the older version): omg guys, guess what's back! Yes, The Pianist!**

 **After neglecting the story for a long time, I've decided to rewrite it. It was easier than dealing with the old piece. Besides, I've finally realised what I want to do with the story, how I want it to turn out, and I can assure you that it's going to be a punch in the throat.**

 **It started off as a silly love-story, and now it grows into so much more. Hopefully.**

 **So, what's new in the rewritten story? I've cut out the inner monologues. As I've** **re-read the old piece, Kisa's inner monologues annoyed the hell out of me. I found them unnecessary.**

 **Also, I'm trying to explain Kisa's feelings, memories and such things a little bit more. His struggles with his past, him not understanding why things happened how they happened etc.**

 **Well, hope you enjoy this new, reloaded and rewritten story.^^**

* * *

 **Prologue**

Almost like in those hyped, famous shoujo anime series, the sun was shining bright and the gentle breeze made the curtains fly when Kisa stepped into the house. He was following something – a melodic piano music that made his heart race fast and his face go red. He loved this song. It was slow, but not the sad kind of slow. Cheerful, you could almost dance to it.

Whenever he asked Yoshida Ryou what this song was, he would never tell. He would always just smile and it always made Kisa forget what he wanted to know. He just enjoyed the music without the chance of knowing what it was so he could maybe download it and listen to it wherever he was without Yoshida.

When he finally reached the room, he stopped, his smile grew wider. He couldn't take his eyes off of the brunet boy playing that piano. It felt magical, as if it wasn't even real. Kisa leaned against the opened door and watched Yoshida playing. His eyes were closed, no emotion showed on his face. Anyone who watched him like Kisa did now would know he was only physically in the room – otherwise he was in a state of mind that Kisa didn't really understand. He was somewhere else as he played.

"Look, who stopped by," he suddenly said without missing a key on the keyboard.

"Come on, why would I not stop by?" Kisa chuckled.

Yoshida now stopped playing, and the sudden pause made the melodic, peaceful music end in a very grotesque way.

"Listen… I need to tell you something," Yoshida said now, biting his bottom lip as he turned to Kisa with this serious face.

"Oh, shit," Kisa muttered. His heart which was beating so fast from happiness and excitement now felt like it skipped a beat.

"Kisa, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

A moment of silence. Yoshida seemed to search the words to express his thoughts and feelings, and Kisa wanted to run away now. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to hear it. But he waited patiently.

"I came to realise that the things between us…"

"…just aren't gonna work," Kisa finished the sentence. "How did you come to this conclusion after three years?"

"I–"

"You know, what? Save it." Kisa was fighting hard against his tears. "Thanks for the past few years, Yoshida. I appreciate everything you did for me."

He said that without any sarcasm. He left the room without a final goodbye, and just run and run until he was far enough from that house. The sun that was shining so bright now was hidden by storm clouds, and soon enough, it got colder and started raining.

And Kisa was sitting on a bench in an abandoned park, trying to figure out where the things could have gone wrong.

And after getting soaking wet from the rain and crying his eyes out, he understood it.

He got his heart broken because he had chosen the wrong person. Again.

* * *

 **Chapter One – Yukina Kou**

Silence. Peaceful silence filled the classroom as people were working on their tests. It was almost mid-term, the end of autumn, and whenever Kisa looked up at his students, all he had seen were tired, sleepy eyes and faces. Even he was thanking god that it was the last class today. Getting tests ready for different classes and different years was just exhausting – probably as exhausting as, for the students, getting ready for these tests.

He turned back to his papers and textbooks, correcting tests of other classes.

"I'm done, professor," someone said, and Kisa slowly turned his gaze up to meet this brunet student. Yukina Kou, that was his name. Well, Kisa wasn't sure about that. Memorising hundreds of names made him confuse one student with another.

"That was fast," Kisa breathed. He didn't want to be too loud.

"I hope I didn't screw up, though," the boy said, shrugging. "Can I?"

"Oh, yeah, you can leave."

Yukina Kou smiled and left the classroom. Kisa sighed. Soon, more people handed in their tests, and in a little bit more than thirty minutes, everyone was out of the classroom, except Kisa. He grabbed all the tests, counted them one more time to see if everyone turned theirs in, and only after that did he leave the room.

The corridor wasn't as noisy as it always was in the daytime. The setting sun painted everything orange and purplish, even the corridor. Kisa hurried back to the office and started correcting the tests. He had to give them back by next week, and there students of five classes had already done their tests, and there was one more to go.

"Why are you still here?"

Looking up, his eyes met the glance of the vice dean, Yokozawa-sensei, and the dean himself, Miyagi.

"I'm correcting test, Yokozawa-sensei," Kisa replied tiredly.

"Are you well prepared, though?" Yokozawa asked now.

Yokozawa Takafumi, in Kisa's opinion, was irritating. He always tried to show how much better he was and that he'd always done his work right in time. It wasn't like Kisa had ever ran out of time when it came to his work. But somehow, Yokozawa did everything faster, and he always found a way to shove it in Kisa's face. Why? Because he was the vice dean.

On the other hand, Miyagi liked him. Kisa didn't know why. Probably because of his incredible work.

"Just leave him alone," the dean rolled his eyes. "What's the point in arguing if he does everything on time?"

"I'm just making sure nothing goes wrong, that's all," Yokozawa replies in this deep tone.

Kisa sighed and put all his stuff in his bag.

"I'll be leaving now," he said as he put on his scarf and winter coat. "See you tomorrow."

"It's Saturday tomorrow," Miyagi-sensei said and Kisa turned around with a frown.

"It's not?"

"It's Friday, Miyagi," Yokozawa cut in, and Kisa couldn't help but notice that Yokozawa-sensei didn't use any honorifics. Were they this close? Well, Kisa didn't really have the time to mind that. He waved and left the office to the deserted corridor.

As he left the huge building of the university, the cold breeze felt painful against his face. He took a shaky breath and walked to the bus stop. It was crowded as usual, young students were probably on their way out to drink and party. Kisa had never had that. When he was their age, he focused on his degree to be a teacher which he desperately wanted to be. He never gone out to party and drink himself to death.

Well, he had gone out a few times to gay bars and hooked up with different guys that were closest to him and looked decent. He would let them buy some drink, and in less than an hour, he would be making out with them, and in another hour, they were all in his bed. That was how he spent his twenties.

After that certain day…

He sighed as he pressed the stop button, and as soon as the bus stopped, he got off, massaging his temples.

Again. He thought about Yoshida again. For ten years, he had been trying his best to hide the memories of that brunet boy, tried to forget him and get over him, but he failed. Every single time, he failed.

The little apartment he lived in was so silent that it was sometimes physically painful. Kisa still remembered the days he had brought Yoshida up to this apartment, drinking wine on hot summer days and hot chocolate on cold winter nights.

And every time he couldn't help but remember him, his heart clenched. He felt the urge to hit the wall right now. He just wanted to get rid of these memories somehow, in some way, but he couldn't. The feeling of not being good enough for someone who meant the world to him was just too much to forget. Even after ten years.

He took a quick shower and continued his work until midnight. It turned his mind off and he only concentrated on the tests. The exhaustion made him fall asleep right after he finished correcting the tests.

And he dreamed. As he always did almost every single night since the breakup. It was exhausting to wake up every night, choking on tears, feeling unbearably lonely without Yoshida. There was a short period of time when Kisa could have sworn he had been over it. But he had to admit that he wasn't. No matter how long it had been, no matter how many people he had been with, he just couldn't completely erase the memories and the pain Yoshida left.

And the worst part was that he had never found out why Yoshida broke up with him ten years ago. And it was still haunting him to this day.

His heart was beating fast in his chest as he reached for the glass of water he left on the night stand before sleep. He hated this. He hated that he wasn't over Yoshida, he hated that he was left behind without answers, and he hated that no one on this Earth was able to make him forget that boy.

Damn.

* * *

One hell of a day. That's how Fridays felt. At least for Kisa. The last school day on the week, and it felt the longest of all. One class after another, one group of thirty or forty people after another. And some of those classes had only just written their tests.

Kisa sighed. At least in his last class he didn't have to think about the tests. Damn mid-term.

He walked in, put his stuff down, read the names, then told them where to open the book and what to do. The class worked in silence while he checked if everything was going alright.

He taught English. Some students walked up to him, asking question about grammar and spelling. And every time, Kisa would explain everything all over again patiently. And then this boy came. Yukina Kou.

"I'm sorry, I just feel like something's not right," he said as he reached Kisa's table. Kisa looked up at him, and his heart pounded.

Damn this guy.

His face just reminded him of Yoshida…

He swallowed down his feelings as he pulled Yukina's notebook closer to read.

"It's all okay," Kisa frowned. "Why did you think it wasn't?"

"I mean this sentence just felt like I used Japanese word order instead of English, and..." Yukina now pointed at said sentence, and his finger touched the skin on Kisa's hand.

"There's no problem with that sentence," Kisa managed to say, pulling his hand away from Yukina's. "It's perfect. Well done."

Yukina grinned and said a quick thank you as he hurried back to his seat. On the other hand, Kisa couldn't even smile. Maybe it was just his imagination playing tricks with him, but for that moment, Kisa honestly thought it was Yoshida standing right in front of him. Well it wasn't possible anyway. He's thirty as well as Kisa is, he wouldn't be in a university.

Finally, the class was over, and Kisa went to the office to grab his stuff, and was ready to leave the school, but something hit him.

And it hit him hard. Right in the stomach.

From the distance, he could hear music. Piano music. It was possibly coming from the music room, and before he could think about what he was doing, he rushed towards that certain room. He ran as fast as he could to reach the music, the music that was playing on the day Yoshida left him.

And just a moment later, he barged into the music room, and that was when he actually thought about what he was doing.

He was running around the corridor which is forbidden. He was running, although he was a thirty-year-old professor.

He opened his mouth to shout the name, to shout _his_ name, but the one who suddenly stopped playing and turned around wasn't Yoshida.

It was Yukina Kou.

"Sensei?" he said slowly with his head tilted to the side. He must have been confused that a professor just barged into the music room.

"Yukina-san..." Kisa breathed. His heart just wasn't going to stop racing. "You should be home by now. Why are you still here?"

"Probably for the same reason you barged in." He laughed at his own joke. Well, Kisa assumed it was a joke. "Okay, well, I play the piano almost every Friday. I just love this thing. It calms my nerves and helps me study later. I mean, it totally helps me focus."

"Uh-huh..." Kisa slowly nodded. Although the things Yukina said stuck in his head. That was exactly what Yoshida said when they started dating. That was the same reason he played the piano. What the hell?

"Everything okay, professor?" Yukina asked now, his eyes narrowed. "I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I've never experienced such a thing. I mean, a prof barging into any classrooms."

Yukina laughed softly, and Kisa didn't really know what to say.

"I didn't mean to barge in, I was just, you know, checking who it was," Kisa ended up saying.

"Well, that makes sense."

Yukina threw a grin, then reached for his coat and bag.

"That's right, go home, you should be on your way home," Kisa said, forcing a smile.

"I'm twenty-one, professor, I can take care of myself," Yukina chuckled. "It's not gonna hurt if I stay a little after class to play piano."

"Not, it won't, but if you disappear on your way home we'll be the first ones to be suspicious, so be careful!"

Yukina laughed loudly, and even Kisa smiled a little. All the things he said to Yukina was just made up to cover his silly act. But yet, Kisa felt like these words were true.

And he felt like he had to take care of this kid.

Just because he looked like Yoshida.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - Closer**

When Kisa arrived at work on Monday, he found Yokozawa with a stranger guy in the office. The guy was standing in front of the desk, looking at the vice dean with those emotionless eyes, standing Yokozawa's strict look with perfect calmness. Kisa found that quite brave.

"Kisa, glad you came just now," Yokozawa spoke to him now. "This is the new psychologist, Takano Masamune."

Kisa bowed in front of the man.

"Nice to meet you."

"You too," Takano smiled and turned back to Yokozawa.

"You start from tomorrow. We have a few students that might need help. As I've already said, that's the reason I've decided to hire a psychologist."

Takano turned back to Kisa now and smiled.

"Sounds like you're telling it to him rather than me."

"That makes sense, though," Kisa added as he sat down at his table, pulling books and papers out of his bag. "Mid-terms are a pain in the ass. Those kids need reassurance that they're doing okay. And they don't just need these reassurances from well-done tests."

Yokozawa nodded in agreement.

"Well, I'll do my best from tomorrow," Takano said, his voice was kind of toneless to Kisa. He had this weird poker face as well. For a moment, Kisa could have questioned Yokozawa's instincts about this guy.

Besides, Takano looked extremely young.

After Takano left, silence filled the office room. Kisa was getting ready for classes. He managed to correct all the tests on the weekend. He hardly even slept, which was for the better now. Especially because his bruises from the past had been renewed because of that certain brunet student of his. And only his work could make him stop thinking.

He collected his notes for his first class and got up from his seat with a sigh.

"How old is he anyway?" he suddenly asked, and Yokozawa looked at him confused.

"You mean Takano?"

"Yeah."

"Twenty-eight," Yokozawa said. "Not much younger than you."

"Are you kidding?" Kisa frowned. "He looks less than that."

"Well, you should be going to your class, shouldn't you?"

Kisa sighed, and turned around, rolling his eyes. He left the office without a word, and walked past by some students in the corridor to reach the classroom.

Sometimes he wanted to think that teaching English was just a horrible nightmare. Not because he didn't like teaching, but because he had some really dumb students. And sometimes, he still needed to explain basic grammar rules to students in third-year – and students right before graduation. Being a teacher wasn't easy, he kind of expected it when he applied to the right university back when he was still a student himself.

But going back to lessons that should be taught in elementary school was pretty exhausting.

He walked back to the office after class to get the right notes to his next class, just to bump into a very tired and worn out Miyagi professor. The dean was sitting in his chair with a cigarette in his mouth. Sometimes Kisa wondered how it was okay for him to smoke between the walls of the university, but he never questioned it anyway.

"Kisa..."

"Yes?"

"Are you okay with taking 2-B in eight period?"

This day, Kisa was supposed to have only seven classes. And none with 2-B.

"Why? What happened?"

"Well, Yukimura-sensei has a flu or fever or god knows..." Miyagi sighed as he exhaled a big cloud of smoke, "So she's away for a while. Only Kitamura and you are the only English professors right now. Too many classes and Kitamura has his own plus half of Yukimura's. Please."

"Well, I guess it can't be helped," Kisa sighed. "2-B, you said?"

"Yup..."

Kisa reached for his drawer to pull out notes and books, and checked what lesson this class was at. Then he stood up and left the office to his next class.

And in the middle of the deserted corridor, he just realised which class 2-B actually was.

It was the class Yukina was in.

* * *

During the last period, the classroom was silent as everybody was busy with taking notes after Kisa gave a long presentation about the origins of English language. He was sitting in his chair with the book opened in his hands, going through some lessons. Just so he wouldn't look at a certain someone. Because during his presentation, he would glance at the whole branch just so he had an excuse to glance at _Yukina_.

He clenched his teeth as he looked up at the class again. Then he turned back to the book. And his thoughts wandered to the past again. He remembered when Yoshida would struggle with English, his biggest issue was with the word order, and Kisa would happily help him out – in a park, after school or on the phone in the middle of the night as Yoshida was getting ready for tests.

And when he was about to become a teacher and had to choose his majority, he had chosen subconsciously. And years later did he just realised that the roots of his love of lecturing and teaching people English gone back to Yoshida.

Weird enough that ten years later he was teaching a student that could have been an identical twin to his ex-lover.

When the class finally ended – and it felt such a damn long class –, some students walked up to him. Kisa was looking at them, waiting for question or anything they wanted to say. The students looked at each other first, then turned back to Kisa.

"We were kind of wondering if you want to have a drink with us this weekend?"

Kisa frowned, then burst out laughing.

"Going out to drink with my students would cost my job, you know."

Some of the students laughed with him, some just looked pretty disappointed.

"That's a loss," a girl said, tucking her sweatshirt. "You're far the coolest prof here."

Kisa slightly blushed, still grinning.

"Come on..."

"Well, worth a shot," someone else said, and they started to wander out of the classroom. Until only one stayed.

"Oi, Kou, stop standing 'round!"

Kisa's gaze now wandered at Yukina who was still standing right in front of him, smiling.

"I'll catch up," he said, and the others didn't say a thing, just left. And now it was just him and Kisa in the classroom.

Kisa tried his hardest to look at him without blushing or shaking.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I was just wondering how my test turned out one hundred percent."

Kisa got so surprised his brows almost reached the top of his forehead as he raised them.

"You almost always get one hundred percent. Guess it's because you're studying hard."

"Yeah, but no..."

"Are you agreeing or disagreeing right now?"

They both burst out laughing and for a moment, Kisa just forgot who he was talking to. Yukina shrugged and looked him in the eyes.

"Well, I was pretty sure I'd hardly reach fifty percent. For some reason, I don't get the whole thing at all, but on the other hand… I do get it."

Kisa nodded.

"I know the struggle, I used to be like that. But I had to memorise every single grammar rule in order to become a teacher, so… And if you guys get it and you write tests that reach eighty, ninety or one hundred percent, then I think I managed to get over this struggle, and you will, too."

"Awww!" Yukina said with a bright smile, and the first thing that popped into Kisa's mind was that the boy was literally sparkling. "That's so nice of you!"

"I mean..." Kisa scratched his head with an awkward smile, "I'm your professor after all. My job is kind of to support all of you."

Yukina groaned as he walked towards the door. Kisa walked behind him.

"Professor Yokozawa should learn," he said quietly.

"Oi, stop talking about him behind his back," Kisa replied with a small smile. "I'm gonna get sued if he hears us, not you."

Yukina laughed so loud it echoed in the corridor.

"Gotcha!"

"Hey, what's up with that 'gotcha?' Show some respect, I'm your professor after all!"

"Alright, sorry!" Yukina said as he clapped his hands together and bowed apologetically. "See you tomorrow!"

Kisa shook his head with a smile as he watched Yukina leaving, probably catching up to his friends. Then he sighed as he went back to his office to pack his stuff and leave.

He had noticed that he had been spacing out a lot lately. Mainly because of Yukina. Kisa had never completely forgotten about Yoshida, but he surely hadn't thought about him as much as he did in the past few days. Everything Yukina did, every conversation they had was a reminder of Yoshida.

And when would he break out of this one hell of a circle? Maybe he'd be the first one to show up in front of Takano's office tomorrow.

He smiled to this thought as he left the university.

He was an adult and a professor, he didn't need a damn psychologist.

* * *

On his way home, Kisa decided to pop into a nearby bookstore. Once in a while, he'd buy a book or two, just so they can sit on his shelves forever. it's not like he had never read any of the books he'd bought. He just didn't really have the time to finish them, and if he did, well, that took a very long time.

As he entered the bookstore, an employee greeted him with a smile, and advertised some new releases and newbie authors. Kisa nodded and started walking around the huge shelves. He had no idea what he wanted to read. Crime? Mystery? Fantasy? Historical stuff? He sighed, and reached for a book. And then something caught his eyes – shoujo manga.

He almost laughed out loud to the idea of him reading shoujo. But he headed towards the manga section anyway, checking out the huge collection of mangas. And before he could have thought about it, he was standing in line with four books of a famous manga series. It was about a girl who was dumped after a few years of dating a guy, and she's trying to get over him. Kisa's first thought was that it was probably written about him.

"Good afternoon, sir!"

"Good afternoon," Kisa mumbled as he stepped ahead, still reading the caption of the books. "Just these."

He looked up and his eyes met the brightly sparkling Yukina Kou.

"Oh, professor!" he shouted in happiness. "Never thought I'd see you here!"

"Holy sh… And I never thought you'd be working here..." Kisa replied with a blush on his face.

"Sooo, shoujo manga, huh?" Yukina started chit-chatting while scanning the books. "Great choice, though."

"Is it?"

"But still, it's weird to imagine you reading these," Yukina laughed, now putting the books into a small bag.

"And you know what?" Kisa reached for the bag. "I'm gonna read them proudly!"

Yukina burst out laughing so loud it echoed, and all the staff members and customers turned towards him. Kisa blushed a little and so did the brunet.

"Well, see you around school I guess," he then mumbled with a small smile.

Kisa nodded.

"Definitely. Make sure you don't exhaust yourself, though. Working and studying will drive you crazy."

"Well, I'm scared now!"

They both smiled, then Kisa left the bookstore. And once again, for a moment, he had forgotten that he was talking to Yukina. His student. His chest was clenching as he held onto the bag tightly, and he felt like he just could breathe the air in.

He shouldn't be getting this close to Yukina. Ever since Kisa had noticed this boy, he had been remembering, and remembering renewed his wounds from the past. For the past few nights, he'd gone to sleep with aching stomach and chest, heart beating like crazy, his thoughts around Yoshida and the past.

Maybe it would be easier to get over it if he knew why Yoshida had broken up with him in the first place.

Right now, right at that moment, as he was standing at the bus stop, surrounded by a small crowd, Kisa was sure he's never going to get over it.

As he was going to get on the bus that finally arrived, a woman bumped into him.

"Oh my, I'm so sorry," Kisa apologised quickly.

"Oh, come on, it's my fault," she chuckled a little as she glanced at Kisa. "I wasn't paying attention. "

Kisa smiled at her as he got on the bus. The woman looked familiar, but Kisa didn't know who she was. Well, probably the mother of one of his students, or someone he saw in a store before. He sighed as he tried not to fall asleep in the seat.

But he did.

And the woman he bumped into appeared in his dream.

* * *

 **A/N:**

Hola! Ricchan's here with a new chapter! Yay!

Umm, I really don't have to say much, I'm just happy if you've read it, if you're following and if you like the story so far. :) See you in the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – Odd Things**

Kisa turned off the projector, and the screen went white. Then he turned to the big crowd of students, one hand in his pocket, one on the table.

"Any questions?"

Distinct chatter was all he heard, but nobody put their hands up or said anything clear.

"Come on, every good question wins."

"Wins what?" someone asked loud.

"One million yen?" Kisa shrugged with a half-smile. "More knowledge that you can use on finals? Whatever."

Now a girl in the distance put her hand up, looking quite excited. Kisa picked her.

"Do you have a girlfriend, professor?"

"That's not a very appropriate question," Kisa chuckled, his face slightly blushed.

"Of course he's frickin' married, girl, shut the hell up!" someone said in the crowd, and the chatter between the students got louder.

Kisa rolled his eyes, sighed, and knocked on the table to get everyone's attention.

"Silence," he said quite softly. "Just so everyone's satisfied and you won't be rolling around in your bed thinking if I have a girlfriend or I'm married. Neither. Can we move on?"

"If I ask a question about it in English, will you answer?" another girl asked, and once again, Kisa rolled his eyes. On the other hand, the question made people laugh.

"No, I'm not going to talk about this," Kisa shook his head. "Enough talk. Any questions about any of the poems and poets I've shown you just now?"

Everybody went silent. As if they weren't chatting cheerfully just a minute ago. Kisa could have sworn to god that he hadn't raised his voice at them. He wasn't even mad, he just felt… frustrated. Irritated, even. He had never really liked to be asked about his love life. Not after what happened between him and Yoshida.

"If you have no questions, then see you all tomorrow!"

People began to slowly leave the classroom, and Kisa began to pack his stuff, too. From the corner of his eyes, he saw that girl who asked if he had a girlfriend. It was the same girl that invited him to drink out yesterday.

"Everything okay?" Kisa asked her, and her face went all red.

"Professor, I just want to say that I'm sorry," she mumbled, tugging her sleeves. "I shouldn't have asked inappropriate questions."

"Don't worry about it," Kisa shook his head with a small smile, hoping it was comforting enough for that girl. He honestly didn't want to hurt anyone, just tried to avoid the topic. And he definitely never had to comfort anyone once during his career.

"Are you sure?"

She looked so concerned that Kisa almost laughed. She was almost overacting this whole thing. It was just a simple question, Kisa closed the topic, that's all. Why is she so… concerned now? Kisa sighed and shook his head.

"Yeah. Make sure you go through the previous lessons once again."

The girl nodded with a smile and left the classroom. A minute later, Kisa left too. He let out a long sigh, and walked back to his office. He didn't have any class in the next period, so he took a seat at his table, stretched, and for a few minutes, he did nothing but spacing out.

"Good morning," a sharp voice said, and it suddenly dragged Kisa back to reality. In fact, he almost jumped out of his seat.

"Oh, for god's sake, you scared me!"

Takano laughed softly, and smiled a little, and somehow, it didn't fit in the picture Kisa had about him in his head. He thought he'd be a forever poker face.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to."

Takano sat down to one of the tables, writing something in a thick and quite creased notebook. Kisa watched him for a while. During his university years, he had taken psychology classes, learning about basic psychology, how to treat students, how to handle different situations, and people with different skills. And he was sure Takano learned way more than that. Because what Kisa had learned was only the surface.

And despise he had taken these classes, he couldn't cope with his past properly.

He sighed. Here we go again, he thought. The past.

"How's your first day going?" he asked Takano to avoid thinking.

The man looked up, thought for a second, then nodded.

"Quiet. Only one person sought help so far. I don't mean to complain. Hopefully, it means that the others are in a good mental state."

Kisa nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. That's good."

But he knew. They both knew, that some of them probably need help and they just can't find the courage to seek it. And it made Kisa quite sad. He knew that people who need help should seek it. For the sake of themselves.

"So then why did I not seek help?" he mumbled under his breath, and Takano looked up with a small frown.

"Huh? Did you say something?"

"Nope, nothing," Kisa shook his head. "There will be days when your schedule will be full."

"I bet," Takano nodded. He flipped a few pages in his notebook, highlighted some lines, then flipped the pages back and wrote some more on the still half blank page.

Kisa just opened a textbook, and spaced out again. He chewed on the corner of his lips, reading lines after lines in the book, but it didn't really sink in his head. He just… didn't pay attention to the world around him anymore.

Now that he thought about the possibly high number of students that probably wouldn't seek help, he started wondering why he never did.

Why had he never seen a psychologist after Yoshida?

Probably because he couldn't find the courage back then. How could he sit down with a complete stranger, and tell them that his lover left him without a word and a possible reason after three years of being together? How could he tell them that this lover was a guy? Because Kisa was sure that a professional would ask this, too. Or would want to know, because they would need to know.

And what would have they said? 'Get over it, it will be alright, he probably wasn't the right person to you'?

It would have been draining, and a pain in the arse.

* * *

Kisa yawned loudly as he was standing at the bus stop, waiting for his bus to finally arrive. He felt extremely tired, and it didn't help that Yokozawa kept him in the office for an hour to discuss Yukimura-sensei's absence. Apparently, she's going to be away for a while, according to Yokozawa. And that meant that Kisa got to lecture her class, which leads to him seeing Yukina more than usual.

Yukina was one of the reasons Kisa felt tired – the fact that every time Kisa ran into him and thought it was Yoshida was extremely exhausting. Acknowledging that Yukina is not Yoshida every single day at least two times a day wasn't exactly a fairy tale.

Kisa hated it. And god knew how long Yukimura-sensei would be away.

He just wanted this to end. He'd been having this seemingly endless pain in his chest, as if someone or something was scratching it from the inside.

When the bus arrived, Kisa hopped on and walked to the back of the vehicle, finding a seat next to the window. Before the bus departed, an old lady sat down next to him, slowly placing her little bags on the floor carefully. Kisa watched her from the corner of his eyes, then he turned his gaze towards the window to stare at the lights in the night. She was the same lady he had ran into the other day.

But then his gaze had fallen on the last person that got on the bus. He never noticed Yukina at the bus stop, and then, as he saw that he was panting, he realised that Yukina might have ran to catch the bus.

Kisa's face went all red as he was staring at him, not being able to get his eyes off of him. Yukina didn't notice him, though. He just sat down on a seat near the door, and the bus finally departed. Kisa slid down in his seat so Yukina wouldn't see him.

And just then, from the corner of his eyes, Kisa saw the old woman staring at someone. Following her gaze, Kisa realised that she was staring at Yukina. Did she know him?

It has nothing to do with me, Kisa thought then. Why would he care who knows Yukina and who doesn't?

Just a few stops later, Yukina got off the bus, and Kisa watched his every step. Weirdly enough, so did the old lady. Kisa wanted to know the reason why she was staring at Yukina all along, but he knew it was absolutely none of his business. But as the bus departed again, the old lady sat back slowly, letting out a heavy sigh.

Kisa turned towards her.

"Is everything okay?" he asked. There's nothing wrong with asking this, is there?

"Oh yeah, don't worry about me, young man," the lady laughed weakly. "Just a silly old woman staring into space."

"I'm sorry if I'm being rude, but it didn't seem like that to me," Kisa replied, truly concerned.

"You know..." The old lady sighed as she slowly turned to face Kisa, and Kisa felt like his heart just broke into millions of pieces. The lady's face was sorrowful. "Sometimes the ones you love leave you. And people around you remind you of those people."

Kisa gulped. It was now obvious that someone who was once close to this lady had passed away. Kisa didn't say a word, just turned his gaze down. He couldn't picture what that old lady might have felt like, he had never lost someone close to him.

"I'm sorry," he muttered after a few seconds of silence. "I truly am."

"Oh, young man, you don't have to be," the old lady smiled weakly. "It's been years."

Kisa slowly nodded. He still felt sad for her.

"May I ask who-"

"My son," the lady whispered with teary eyes, and Kisa knew he shouldn't have asked that.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be," she smiled at Kisa again. "My cheerful, beautiful son."

Kisa smiled sadly at the old lady.

"I bet he was an amazing man, ma'am."

Before the bus arrived at the next stop, Kisa waved bye to the old lady, and got off the bus. The lady waved through the window, and Kisa did the same, smiling. He still felt awful for her – a mother losing her child must have been the worst kind of pain.

But he couldn't shake off the feeling that the lady was familiar.

* * *

"Good morning!"

Kisa sat down at the table with a sigh. Takano smiled at him.

"Good morning, professor."

Kisa glanced at him, then turned his gaze back at his backpack, jut to glance at Takano again. Takano noticed him doing this, and he frowned in confusion. Kisa opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it, and Takano seemed like he was going to ask what Kisa wanted, but he didn't. He just seemed to be waiting patiently until Kisa decided to talk.

And then Kisa did.

"Look, I'm not very good at this topic, but how do you, psychologists treat someone who's grieving?"

Takano elbowed on the table, gently scratching his chin as he was thinking. Although he looked confused about why Kisa would suddenly ask such a thing.

"Well, there are different stages of grieve, so you probably want to find out which stage the individual is in. Denial, anger, bargain, depression, and acceptance."

"Uhuh..."

"So," Takano went on, "it might sound weird and half-arsed, but… we try to get the individual to develop new daily routines, set new goals for the future, so they have something to look forward to. It can help them adopt a new sense of identity. Which helps them moving on in their life without the lost one."

Kisa nodded while thinking about the lady he talked to last night on the bus. She said it had been years since she had lost her son. Which stage she might have been in?

"Why do you ask, though? Have you lost someone?"

Kisa shook his head quickly.

"No, not at all. It's… Sorry, it was a silly question."

"It wasn't," Takano smiled. "The more you know about it, the more it increases the chance that you can help someone in need."

Kisa nodded. Takano was right. He might need to help a student anytime.

He quickly put his notes together, and walked to his first class. He couldn't stop thinking about that old lady and her loss, and Takano's words. Especially, because that old lady's son might have been extremely young when he died. The lady didn't seem that very old herself. What if her son was Kisa's age? Or younger? It was awful for Kisa to think about it.

He couldn't do anything affectively that day. He was constantly spacing out while his student were taking notes, he kept stuttering, zoning out while talking, and soon enough, his students noticed him being weird. At least that's what Kisa assumed, judging by their questioning faces, or them frowning at him.

During his last class, he was in the middle of a presentation, and he got lost mid-sentence. He tried to snap back to reality quick, and smiled at his students.

And he'd seen that Yukina was looking at him worried. Kisa slightly frowned, and Yukina smiled, then turned back to his notebook.

Kisa's heart skipped a beat.

After class, Yukina slowly wandered towards Kisa while he was packing his stuff up. Kisa saw him coming closer from the corner of his eyes, but pretended he didn't notice Yukina.

"Professor?"

"Yeah?"

Yukina didn't say anything for a long moment, and Kisa lifted his glance at him. He couldn't really read the boy's face, but he could tell that something was off.

"Would you be interested in a coffee with me? After class or tomorrow?" Yukina finally spoke, asking his question slowly with a small smile.

Kisa had to take a moment before saying anything. His chest was aching. He didn't want to get any closer to Yukina, but the boy kept drawing Kisa to him. Life has a weird sense of humour, Kisa thought.

"Sounds like an invitation to a date," he said jokingly, and Yukina suddenly took a step back. Kisa was about to apologise when the boy rolled his eyes, and threw a huge grin.

"Sorry if it came off as that, I'm just quite worried about you."

Kisa shrugged.

"You should be worried about yourself, or your friends. Not me."

But Yukina seemed persistent.

"I'm fine. They're fine, too. But you," the boy pointed at Kisa, "you don't seem fine, not a bit."

Kisa narrowed his eyes. The whole situation was odd.

"Maybe we shouldn't talk about it here," he said quietly, then left the classroom, but Yukina followed him.

"So?"

Kisa sighed heavily. Maybe there would be nothing wrong with going to get a coffee with Yukina. Or maybe it would be a giant mistake.

* * *

A/N:

Hi there! Okay, I know, it's been 2 months. But I was kind of in an existential crisis + I was trying to get my YOI Fluff Bang fic together (which is going to be posted on AO3 in 3 days!)

Anyway, the new chapter is ready, I hope you liked it! Don't forget to leave a review, and if you do so then thank you! It's always appreciated!

 _Ricchan_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – Closer II**

It was a sunny, but quite cold Saturday afternoon. Kisa, in the end, agreed to get a coffee with Yukina – strictly just for the sake of helping him with his English. Which, in Kisa's opinion was almost perfect.

He was nervous – as nervous as he hadn't felt for a long time. The last time he felt like this was when he had a date with Yoshida.

Kisa knew he had to stop feeling like this. It's not a date with Yukina, and Yukina is nothing like Yoshida. But the problem was, that Yukina, in fact, was a lot like Yoshida. And Kisa couldn't help, but notice this fact every single time he had seen the brunet.

The café they agreed on meeting in was nice and quiet. When Kisa arrived, a waitress, a maiden-looking young girl greeted him with a warm smile.

"Table for one?"

"For two, actually," Kisa replied, smiling back at her.

The waitress nodded and led Kisa to a table in the farthest corner of the place. The table was right next to a huge window. Between the tables were huge plants standing, a long leaf was tickling Kisa's face as he sat down. But with the plants around the table, he felt like nobody could see him, and he couldn't see the rest of the place.

He crossed his legs as he reached for his phone, scrolling through some news, when he noticed Yukina entering the café from the corner of his eyes. Yukina seemed to catch his glance, because he turned his look towards Kisa, and smiled widely.

"Good afternoon, professor," he greeted Kisa when he finally reached the table.

"Good afternoon," Kisa nodded his head. He wanted to ask if the table was okay with Yukina, but then he decided not to. It didn't matter at all. Why would have it mattered? "So..."

Kisa was waiting for Yukina to say something, anything that could start a conversation about anything he wanted to learn that day. What could have it been? Grammar structures? Pronunciation?

"Oh, so…" Yukina seemed a little uneasy and confused for a second, then he reached for a small notebook in his bag. "So here's this text here that I don't quite understand."

He flipped the pages until he found what he was looking for in the notebook. It was a short paragraph of some sort of text or story, and Kisa assumed Yukina printed it just so he can show him and ask for help.

Kisa slowly reached for the notebook, and read the text. It was indeed some kind of fiction. It was about someone who ended all their relationships with their family and friends, because they were diagnosed with some deadly disease.

"What is this?" Kisa asked with a frown. "It's pretty dark."

"I got that much," Yukina sighed. "I mean, I could understand the first few chapters, but it's gotten quite difficult from here."

Kisa took another glance at the text before beginning to explain what it said.

"So, I guess the author is trying to tell the reader, how the main character is suffering from a deadly disease. And before the character's family and friends could get the chance to watch him slowly die, the main character breaks every relationship of theirs, and moves somewhere where no one can reach them."

Yukina stayed silent for a long minute before putting the notebook away.

"And now I ruined the mood, didn't I?" he chuckled shyly.

"No, you didn't." Kisa's voice was so toneless that it surprised even him. "It was just a fragment, and it's just a fiction. Real life is worse, trust me."

As soon as he said it, Kisa wanted to hit himself in the face. Yukina seemed puzzled for a second, and he was going to ask something, but before he could, a waitress reached their table.

"What can I get for you?" she asked with a wide smile.

As if both of them forgot that they were in a café, they quickly opened the menu to see what they could choose of.

"Can I have a caramel macchiato?" Yukina pointed at the name in the menu.

"Sure," the waitress said. "And you, sir?"

"Just an americano," Kisa shrugged.

The girl smiled at them before she walked to the counter. Kisa and Yukina both watched her for a while before turning to each other. Yukina smiled, and Kisa smiled back, but none of them said anything. Was it because of what Kisa said? Or did they just lose track of their conversation? Kisa couldn't tell.

"So," Kisa finally broke the silence, "any other questions?"

Yukina bit his lip.

"None, actually..."

"Well, I'm glad I could help," Kisa sighed. He didn't understand why Yukina, a skilled and talented student, would need help to understand a five sentence paragraph.

And for some reason, it bothered Kisa. But at this point, he just went with the flow. It couldn't have been possible that things would take a weird turn, right?

No, Kisa was sure it was just his delusion. Why would Yukina want anything from him? And why would Kisa be thinking about Yukina wanting anything? He was confused, so confused that it almost made him dizzy. He was staring at the dark brown table, he was obviously miles away. For a minute that felt like ages, everything around him was sucked up, and his thoughts took over him.

Yukina didn't want anything. He just needed someone who understood English on a higher level than him, and Kisa was professor with English major. Nothing more.

But for some reason, it felt like it was way more than that.

He was dragged back to reality by a touch that he couldn't identify for a second. He glanced to the side, and noticed that it was Yukina's gently touch on his shoulder. Now, it was clearly a mistake to come and meet Yukina, Kisa thought.

But why didn't it feel like a mistake? It was right and wrong at the same time, and Kisa just wanted to stand up and go straight home.

"Everything okay?" Yukina asked slowly, pulling his hand back.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. I tend to space out a lot," Kisa replied. It wasn't technically a lie. He just avoided the fact that the reason of him zoning out and being confused was sitting right next to him.

Yukina nodded.

"I've noticed it."

"You might not be the only one," Kisa shrugged. He thought for a moment. He wanted to change the topic real bad, but he couldn't thing of one. Then something crossed his mind, and he spoke without thinking. "You play piano, don't you?"

Asking this question felt like a knife cutting through his chest. Of all the things they could have been talking about, Kisa brought up the one that hurt him. He wanted to punch himself in the face. But Yukina's face lit up, and Kisa's heart was about beat out of his chest.

"Yeah, I do. I love playing piano," he replies with child-like enthusiasm. "Wanna hear it? I can show you."

And to Kisa, it felt like Yukina had just broken down a wall between them. A wall that was meant to be between a teacher and a student. Because Yukina was talking to him as if they had been friends for ages. Or something else.

"Come on, I just happened to ask," Kisa said, but now Yukina was elbowing on the table, seemingly in a daydream. Kisa was sure he couldn't even hear him.

"I especially love challenging songs. Like, Chopin had written some," he chuckled, his eyes were closed as he stirred his coffee slowly.

"Oh yeah, right."

Kisa honestly didn't know what else to say. He didn't know much about pianists, he just adored Yoshida playing that thing. And ever since they had broken up, Kisa tried his hardest to avoid pianos, piano songs, and anything that was connected to it.

"Do you have a favourite?"

"Not really," Kisa stuttered. "What's yours?"

He was seriously questioning his own intentions. Why was he even here? Why was he asking Yukina about piano stuff? Why was he so flirty and friendly with the boy who he tried to avoid? He confused the hell out of his own self, but as it seemed, Yukina enjoyed the time they spent together.

And Yukina started to list his favourite pianists and songs. Although it sounded like total gibberish to Kisa, he recognised a few names.

Some names were familiar to him from school. And some were familiar because back then, Yoshida couldn't shut up about them, but still, Kisa had always enjoyed listening to him. He wanted to run away.

And now, it was painful to listen to Yukina's cheerful talk. Yet, Kisa didn't stop him. As Yukina talked, Kisa remembered.

"I live nearby, by the way," Yukina suddenly said, and Kisa glanced at him in confusion.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I mean, you could come over and listen to my piano play."

Kisa was a hundred percent sure Yukina had forgotten that he was talking to his university lecturer. And it bothered Kisa to the core, but at the same time, he went with the flow. He didn't say anything. He let Yukina treat him like a friend.

* * *

Kisa ended up having some fun with Yukina. As soon as they stopped talking about pianos, they crossed some interesting topics. Kisa knew that Yukina was highly intelligent, and now it was proven once again.

Hours had passed, and it got darker outside. There was a storm coming. They agreed on leaving the café before the storm hit, and now they were walking home, deep in a conversation. It didn't take long until the rain came down, soaking them in no time.

And they ran together, quite shocked from the sudden rain.

"My god, it's cold!" Kisa stated as soon as they stopped under the eaves of a building.

"Yeah, it is," Yukina agreed, laughing. "I don't even know, where you live, Kisa-san."

"Not too far. Just half an hour with bus."

Yukina frowned.

"You're going to get even more soaked by the time you get home."

"It's fine, it's not that bad-"

"Maybe you should really come over."

Kisa glanced at Yukina's face. He was staring into space, avoiding Kisa's glance. He had a soft, small smile on his face.

"No, Yukina, we're going too far."

The brunet sighed.

"Why? We're literally outside of school, and..."

"Yukina, I could still lose my job!"

They were standing under the eaves, while it was raining hard, and people around them were running away from the upcoming storm. Yet, Kisa and Yukina were staring into each other's eyes, not giving a damn about the world around them. Kisa was aware of what the thing he had just said might have sounded like. However, no matter how he looked at it, it was risky to hang out like this with a student of his.

Yukina seemed to accept it, and let out a long, heavy sigh. He leaned against the wall, shoving his hands into his jacket's pockets.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "That was very weird and embarrassing of me."

Kisa shrugged as he wasn't very sure what to say.

"It happens to the best of us."

His heart had gone crazy. He hardly managed to breath, and he had to hide his trembling hands. Just what the hell did Yukina want from him?

Loud thunder. Kisa flinched. Yukina didn't move, just stare into nothing.

"Yukina, look, it's…"

"Can I ask you a question?" the brunet suddenly spoke.

"Yeah, go ahead."

Yukina took a deep breath, and turned towards Kisa, looking straight into his eyes. Kisa could hardly stand his stare.

"You know, when I played the piano the other day in school. You barged into the music room. Just who were you thinking about when you heard the song?"

Kisa felt like he was punched in the face.

How? How did Yukina know that Kisa had someone in mind when he heard that familiar music?

He took a step back, but he still couldn't escape Yukina's glance. A glance that seemed to see and know everything – Kisa's every thought, every memory. And Kisa hated it. Those memories he kept in the back of his mind, safe from the world, safe from everyone else, seemed to get exposed by one of his students.

The one that was the reason Kisa remembered again.

"Yukina, I- I gotta go," Kisa stuttered. He didn't want to talk about it, especially not to Yukina.

"Kisa-san…"

"My bus is here…"

Before he could take a step, Yukina grabbed his arm.

"Can I possibly… see you again?"

Kisa let out a shaky breath. His face was flustered, his body trembling.

"Maybe."

Yukina gave a soft, innocent smile. Kisa glanced at him, then turned his glance, but still smiled back. As he pulled his arm away from Yukina's grasp, their fingers touched for a minute, and just that moment, the sun shone through the dark clouds.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Heyhey! Woo, a new chapter, finally. It was quite fun writing this chapter. And I hope you guys liked it. :)**

 **Thank you for reading, reviewing, and following/favouriting.**

 **Until next time. ^^**

 ** _Ricchan_**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – Believe In Me**

Kisa did not feel okay. Not after the things that had happened after he left the café house with Yukina. The brunet was acting weird. He said a bunch of weird things, and it bothered Kisa. But what bothered him the most was that he kind of agreed to see Yukina again.

 _Maybe._ Why did he even say that? He knew well that he should have turned him down.

That night, all Kisa did was pacing back and forth nervously in his living room, trying to think about a way that things could go right. Because in his opinion, things were going horribly wrong at the very moment. Especially after he got Yukina's hopes high. How in hell will he face him on Monday? Yukimura-sensei was still sick, no one knew when she would come back, which meant that Yukina had countless of classes with Kisa to look for. And countless of classes for Kisa that he will need to handle without falling apart just by looking at Yukina or thinking about what had happened.

And it wasn't just that _maybe_ that made Kisa feel weird. It was that touch. When he pulled his hand away, their fingers touched, and he could feel Yukina's soft skin on his own. It made his head go crazy. And it made him feel dizzy and nauseous.

A part of him wanted to avoid Yukina. And it was a big part of him. But a small part wanted to feel that softness of Yukina's skin, moreover, wanted to hold his hand, and see him again. See him outside of school.

Kisa sighed heavily. It was so wrong, and he knew that, but for some reason, he wanted it to feel right. And he wasn't sure whether he hated this feeling or not. All he knew that he needed to calm down, and sort things out in his head in order to be collected for school in less than two days. Which, at this moment, seemed impossible to Kisa. He was sure he wouldn't be able to get himself together by Monday, and everyone will eventually notice that something's wrong with him.

He wasn't the type of teacher to zone out or fall apart often. In fact, it never happened to him once. But now it was going to happen, and he was scared, he was nervous, and he just couldn't shake off these feelings.

Maybe he should take a few days off. But then who would teach? They were short on lecturers already. Yokozawa-sensei would murder him if he took even a day off.

Now he sat down onto the couch, staring at the instant ramen he had made an hour ago. He wasn't really hungry, he just needed something to do, and it was the only thing that had come to his mind. Now the food was probably stone cold, and he still didn't feel like eating at all. His thoughts wandered back to Yukina. His smile, his enthusiasm about that damned piano, and his touch. The touch that Kisa could still feel on his fingers.

Kisa buried his face into his palms. If he hadn't heard Yukina playing that certain song weeks ago, they wouldn't have been doing this now. But Yukina had to play that stupid song, and Kisa had to come running to make sure the obvious – that it wasn't Yoshida that played the song.

Now that he thought about it, a weird thing crossed his mind.

 _Maybe it was their destiny._

Kisa shook his head. That couldn't be. That was impossible. For then years Kisa had been convincing himself that his destiny was to suffer. And that big part of him didn't want Yukina to be his destiny. He didn't want to go with the flow anymore.

Later, he was in bed, wrapped up in a big and warm blanket, but he couldn't sleep. The thought of Yukina kept him up almost all night.

* * *

Monday came fast. And Kisa wasn't ready to face the day. He wasn't ready for his supervisors to see his worn out face, he wasn't ready to see Yukina, and definitely wasn't ready to talk to him. Because Kisa knew that Yukina would go out of his way to talk to him.

Thankfully, Yukina's class was taken by a different lecturer that day. And Kisa was incredibly grateful for this. He got through all his classes without a problem. And for hours, everything seemed to go as usual.

Things took a turn, when Kisa was about to go home. He packed his stuff, put on his scarf and coat, and just as he left the office, someone almost bumped into him. A few students were running down the corridor in a hurry, laughing loudly at something.

"Hey, no running!" Kisa yelled after them.

They stopped, and one of them turned around.

"Sorry, prof-"

It was Yukina. And he stopped mid-sentence as he saw Kisa. As for Kisa, he wanted to go back into the office, lock the door, and stay there until everyone else had gone home. But it would have been weird to do that, he thought.

So instead, he stood Yukina's stare, and his happy face.

"Come on, if you don't have any more classes coming up, then go home," Kisa continued.

"Sure, sorry, professor," the other kids said, and they now headed towards the stairs. It was just Yukina standing in the middle of the corridor, staring at Kisa.

"Hey, I said go home," Kisa repeated.

"Yeah, right…" Yukina sighed. "See you later."

Kisa didn't move a step until he made sure Yukina's steps faded as he got farther. His heart was beating like crazy, and he was sure his face was red. Did they notice? Hopefully not.

He left the building, heading towards the bus stop. As usual, there was a lot of people waiting for the bus, and Kisa tried to stand as far from them as he could. He didn't want to be in the crowd, it would have bothered the hell out of him. He had nearly fifteen minutes until the bus came, so he leaned against a lamp post, staring into space. The reaction he had after this little encounter exhausted him. He was damn grateful that he didn't have to face Yukina the whole day.

"Someone seriously need some sleep," a voice suddenly said, and Kisa nearly jumped.

He looked to the side. It was Yukina standing next to him. His face was literally sparkling. And he was smiling.

"And someone needs to take a step back," Kisa murmured. "You're too close, kid."

"Oh, my apologies," Yukina chuckled as he took a step back. "You haven't slept well, have you?"

"I've already said this, but you should be worrying about yourself, not me," Kisa rolled his eyes.

"Ooor you could let me worry about whoever I want," Yukina suggested, and Kisa grunted. Why couldn't Yukina just leave him alone?

Yukina laughed softly, and Kisa couldn't help but smile at him. That small part that wanted Yukina around him grew bigger every second that Kisa spent with this boy. In his mind, two voices were arguing. Did Kisa actually want Yukina to leave? Or did he want him around? Not knowing what he wanted exactly was frustrating.

"Shouldn't you be at home, Yukina?" he then asked.

"I mean, I should be, but I'm going to the cinema with my friend, so…"

Kisa nodded.

"Well, have fun then. What about getting a girlfriend?"

It felt like a blade that cut through Kisa's heart. He feared the answer, although he had this weird idea that Yukina wants something strange from him.

Yukina looked so surprised as if Kisa wasn't even speaking Japanese to him.

"Come again?" he managed to say.

"Eh, just forget it," Kisa shook his head. Maybe he shouldn't have asked that.

"Yes, that's what I'm gonna do." Yukina sounded so offended that Kisa suddenly felt bad for asking such a question. "I can't believe I just heard you asking that."

Kisa gulped, a sweat drop rolled down on his cheek.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you or something."

"No, I'm-" Yukina stopped to take a deep breath. "I'm not really offended or mad, I'm just… It just feels weird."

Maybe it would be a stupid idea to ask why, Kisa thought. He was kind of aware of it now.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I-"

The bus had arrived, and people started getting on. Kisa walked towards the door, but Yukina didn't move.

"The movie ends at nine. Can I possibly see you after that?"

Kisa gulped again. He had to hurry up with the answer because there wasn't many people getting on the bus. He clenched his fists in his pocket.

"Take this bus and ride four stops. I'll wait there."

Kisa got on, and as the bus departed, he watched Yukina walk away with a lit-up face, and a huge, childish grin. He took a seat, and let out a heavy sigh. His face was burning, his hands shaking. He agreed to see Yukina that night.

Maybe he should have turned it down.

Or maybe he's going to talk to Yukina, and end things before they could start.

* * *

It was five minutes past nine, and Kisa was sitting at the bus stop, nervously waiting for the bus to arrive. To the best of his knowledge, none of the students that might know him lived in that area, so he should be okay, walking around with Yukina that late at night. Especially on Monday.

When the bus arrived, Kisa watched Yukina jumping off, looking as happy as he always did. Kisa didn't know if Yukina felt just as nervous as he did, but he sure didn't seem like it.

"Good evening," he greeted cheerfully.

"Hey," Kisa nodded his head towards Yukina. He wasn't sure what to say. What was even the right thing to say?

"I pretty much can't wait to see where you live, Kisa-san," the brunet said. He didn't seem embarrassed at all. "I'm quite excited."

"What are you so excited for?" Kisa frowned with a small smile. "It's not like I live in a castle."

"I know, but still." Yukina stopped for a moment, throwing a perfect grin at Kisa. "I just wanna see your place."

And that was the moment Kisa knew that Yukina was probably head over heels in love with him. Kisa, himself, was slowly falling for him as well. He just couldn't decide what he wanted to do with it. If anyone ever found out that they were this close, Kisa would lose his job. And maybe Yukina would get kicked out of university, too. This whole thing was risky, yet Yukina took the risk.

Was he even aware of the consequences?

As they entered Kisa's apartment, Yukina looked around in awe. His eyes were sparkling, on his face a happy smile.

"My place is pretty similar, yet yours feels different," he said.

"Obviously. This one's mine, not yours."

Yukina laughed. Kisa's heart had gone crazy in his chest.

"You know, I'm actually crazy happy that you agreed on seeing me tonight," Yukina continued.

"Yeah, well, maybe it's time we talk," Kisa sighed. That's right. He's going to tell Yukina that they need to stop playing around like this. He's going to tell Yukina that there's no way they could be together.

"Oh, right, I was gonna talk to you," Yukina nodded. He didn't seem anxious or anything. He remained cheerful.

"Okay, well, go ahead."

Yukina slowly turned his gaze at Kisa, and Kisa blushed at that.

"I'm sorry."

They stood in the middle of Kisa's living room, staring into each other's eyes. Yukina was scratching the back of his head, his face turned slightly pink.

"Huh?" was all Kisa could say.

"I'm sorry if I came off as weird. I mean I'm always around you, and I bet you think I'm annoying as hell."

Yukina chuckled, and Kisa gulped.

He thought he was a little annoying.

But on the other hand, he didn't think that at all. Damn, he just confused his own self.

Should he say that Yukina wasn't annoying? Should he say that he was, moreover, should he be bitter and rude, so he would leave Kisa alone? Kisa wasn't even sure he truly wanted Yukina to leave him alone.

Kisa bit his lip as he turned his gaze down, staring at the floor.

What would happen if he gave in? Would he still see Yoshida in Yukina? Or would he be able to see the boy for who he is?

And what would happen if he sent Yukina away now? Would that mean that he let this chance go with him? A chance where he could get over Yoshida and live a happy life in a happy relationship?

He wasn't even sure if they could maintain a relationship. Yukina was nine years his junior after all.

Kisa opened his mouth to reply, but he couldn't form the words. Although Yukina was waiting patiently for him to say something.

"Yukina, I-" He gulped as he looked up at the brunet. "I don't…"

Kisa didn't need to finish his sentence. Yukina knew what he wanted to say. He let out a sigh in relief.

"Thank goodness," he mumbled. His voice changed from cheerful to a little nervous. "Here I was thinking I was clinging onto you just too much."

"Well, maybe you are," Kisa whispered with a small smile.

Yukina took a step closer to Kisa, and Kisa didn't move away. But the closer Yukina was, the more Kisa's legs were shaking. He couldn't even move to take a seat before he would collapse in the living room, in front of Yukina.

"Kisa-san… what exactly are we doing?"

Kisa gulped.

"You tell me," he said weakly.

The gap between them wasn't even an inch. Yukina gently touched Kisa's arm, and Kisa flinched, but never pulled away.

"All I know is that your strong mask has just broken into pieces. I've broken it," Yukina murmured.

"Come on that's not-"

"Kisa-san, I want to know what happened to you," Yukina went on, and Kisa felt goosebumps on his arm. "You are not who you show the world you are."

"That's not true."

"Why are you trying to deny it?"

"I-"

Kisa knew he had lost. He had lost to Yukina. Because he knew things as if they were written all over Kisa's face. He didn't want Yukina to know. Never. Yoshida was a secret that should die with Kisa. Or at least that was what Kisa believed. He didn't want him to know.

"I swear to listen, Kisa-san," Yukina added. "I swear to listen and make it all better. You just got to believe in me."

Kisa looked into Yukina's shiny eyes. They were promising. All of this felt true. And yet, Kisa shook his head.

"I'm not talking about this, Yukina. Not this."

The brunet now slid his hand onto Kisa's back, and once again, Kisa flinched.

"May I know, why?"

"Because I can never get over it."

It hurt him. It hurt him physically to even say this much. The less he thought about the past, the less he talked about it, the less it hurt him. That was the reason Kisa decided to never tell anyone. Not someone new in his life, not his parents, not his friends. And now, even the thought of talking about it, talking about _everything_ made him feel sick.

"I can help you," Yukina insisted softly. "You just got to believe in me."

He said it again. Why would Kisa believe in him? No matter how many times he had gone out to drink and hook up with random strangers, none of it helped him. How could this young boy here help?

"I can't…" Kisa replied. He was on the verge of crying. He could hardly hold his tears back. "I'm sorry, I can't…"

And for his biggest surprise, Yukina hugged him. Tightly, closely, _lovingly._ Kisa couldn't even put into words what he was feeling.

"I'm not trying to force you to talk about it," Yukina whispered into his ears. "I just want to help. And I'm sure it helps if you talk about it. But it's all up to you, Kisa-san."

Kisa nodded. And he cried. He cried into Yukina's chest, and it gave him some sort of comfort. He didn't know how or why, but Yukina's presence was already helping.

"Thank you," Kisa mumbled. "I appreciate you trying to help."

A minute later, Yukina let go of him, smiling down at him, and Kisa smiled back, although his face was soaked by his tears. He had broken down.

He might believe in this brat after all.

* * *

 **A/N:**

Ay, hey! A new chapter this quick? Ritsu, you're never this quick?

Yeah, I managed to write a new chapter this soon. Why? First off, because I was full of ideas, and I still am, but I need to brainstorm before actually writing the next chapter. And second off, I was getting prepared for NaNo Camp. That's right, I'm doing NaNo Camp. I signed up for it with 30k words, and my project is this story. Hopefully it will help me update quicker.

As Camp NaNo starts at 00:00, I decided to update today. From here on, I'll try to update once a week, but it's not a promise. I might just get carried away and write without updating. xDD

Also, things are gonna get... interesting in the story. Well, I hope I can make it interesting. Hopefully you're ready.

Thanks for ready, following, favouriting, and reviewing. It helps me a lot when I feel unmotivated. :)

 ** _Ricchan_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – Seeking Help**

For the rest of the night, Kisa was pacing back and forth. He had been doing this a lot lately. Sometimes he would sit down, and bury his face into his palms, and then stand up, and start walking again. He was helpless, confused, indecisive. He knew that he had to give this whole thing some time. He knew that he had to think everything through carefully. But all he could think of was Yukina, his touch, his nice smell, and that adorable smile of his.

How was Kisa supposed to act and think like an adult? This boy completely messed up his mind, and all Kisa wanted to do is hold him, have him.

His temples were pulsing, his head aching, and his body shaking. He was pretty sure he was in love with Yukina, and that Yukina was in love with him. But he didn't want to give in just yet. He knew he needed help to forget Yoshida, but Yukina wasn't enough to help. He needed a professional, a psychologists.

Takano!

Kisa shook his head with a loud sigh. He couldn't just walk up to Takano, and say that he needed help. He was there for students, not lecturers. Besides, how could Kisa talk about Yoshida to a colleague? Especially because Kisa didn't even want to talk about him to anybody.

But to maintain a healthy and proper relationship – whether it was with Yukina or anyone else –, Kisa needed to talk about Yoshida. Just the thought of that scared him. It felt like a relic that he needed to protect, and now he was about to give it to someone else.

He took a deep breath. He needed to convince himself that talking about the past to someone that definitely can help will actually help. But believing in it wasn't easy. Damn, if he couldn't believe in Takano, how could he ever believe in Yukina?

That night, Kisa nearly cried himself to sleep.

He wanted help.

But he was scared to death.

For the following one or two days, all he was thinking about was this situation. Why did it have to be so difficult?

If he truly wanted to be with Yukina, he needed to get rid of the thoughts of Yoshida. To which, he needed help. Not to mention, that he would probably have to quit Mitsuhashi as well. Maybe he should let Yukina know about the consequences? He didn't seem to be aware of them at all.

Teaching had become a real challenge from there.

Facing Yukina was a bigger challenge.

And a few days later, Kisa decided.

* * *

A rainy day again. Kisa was in his office, getting ready for his last class. Which, for a change, wasn't with Yukina's class. His head was aching badly from trying his hardest to avoid Yukina as much as he could. He didn't need any scandal going around about them.

He rubbed his temples. He had decided to talk to Takano. But he had to do it later when no one else was around. Everything was too risky, and Kisa felt anxious. Maybe a little bit paranoid, too.

After his last class was over, he walked towards Takano's office. He took a deep breath, and knocked. He heard a raspy, quiet 'yes' from the other side. He pushed the handle slowly, and walked in. Takano's office wasn't very big, but it sure was cosy. Perfect for psychological sessions for university students.

"Oh, good afternoon, Professor Kisa," he greeted. He was slightly surprised.

"Good afternoon. I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second."

Takano nodded.

"Sure, anytime. Is everything okay?"

"I don't think so," Kisa admitted, and took a seat across from Takano. "I, uh, I might need your help."

Takano nodded his head again slowly.

"Okay, how can I help? Did something happen?"

"I mean, I need your help as a patient, and not as a colleague," Kisa replied carefully, his heartbeat quickened with every word he spoke.

Takano seemed slightly surprised.

"I'm sorry, it's quite unexpected, but sure. Would you like to just talk? Or do you need a session?"

"You tell me, I guess," Kisa shrugged.

"Well, I need to know what the problem is," Takano smiled a little.

Kisa took a deep breath. His palms were sweating.

"Okay, well, uh…"

"It's alright, take your time."

Kisa nodded. He made it to Takano's office. And now that he was about to talk, he just couldn't. It was hard to form the words. With every word, his stomach got more and more clenched.

"So, I guess I have a hard time… forgetting." He stopped. He glanced up at Takano. Takano was waiting patiently for him to continue. Kisa exhaled. "Forgetting someone who used to be important."

Takano nodded.

"Is this person still important?"

"I guess so, yeah. I mean, they shouldn't be. There's someone new, and…"

Kisa stopped again. He wasn't so sure about this until this point, but now he was certain that he considered Yukina as 'someone new', even though they weren't dating yet.

"Okay." Takano now reached for one of his notebooks, tore a paper out of it, and after a few seconds of writing, he gave the paper to Kisa. "This is my address. It's where I hold private sessions outside of school. We can talk about your situation more tomorrow evening between six and eight."

Kisa put the paper away with a small nod. He couldn't believe how easy it was. Well, at least he thought it was quite easy so far.

"Thanks," Kisa breathed. "I- uh, how much would it be?"

For his biggest surprise, Takano smiled and shook his head.

"Don't mind it."

"You can't say that, you're making a living here, Takano."

But the man only shrugged as he slowly took off his glasses, and put them on the table.

"I have plenty of patients, Kisa-san. I work in school, and at home, I'm more than okay. And you're my colleague, so I'm not going to charge you."

Kisa almost broke into a happy laugh. He was more than grateful for Takano's help. As he left the office, all he could think about was that how there was a kind hearted person behind the strict looking face.

By the time he got to the bus stop, his mind went crazy. He had an appointment with Takano. But what should he do with Yukina until then? Kisa was pretty sure the brunet would want some kind of explanation. Just a week ago, they hung out together in a café. Just a few days ago, they hugged so intimately as if they were an official couple already. And now Kisa was avoiding him, and Yukina probably had no idea why.

Maybe he should hang out with Yukina sometimes. At least on weekends. He had to admit himself the fact that he wanted to see Yukina probably as badly as Yukina wanted to see him.

Kisa sighed, and hopped on the bus when it finally came, and in the corner of it, he spotted that old lady he had talked to just a few weeks ago. Now that he thought about it, it was crazy how time flew when he was stressed and under a lot of pressure. For a moment, he was wondering if the old lady would recognise him at all. But then she turned her glance at him, and smiled softly. Kisa walked towards her.

"Good evening," he greeted.

"Ah, if it isn't you again," the old lady chuckled. "It's been a while, I haven't seen you around."

"Right, I was busy with work," Kisa replied with a soft laugh. "How have you been?"

The old lady sighed, and scratched her face.

"So-so. I went to visit my son's grave yesterday. Someone had put a bucket of freshly picked flowers on the stone, and I honestly have a hard time figuring out who it might have been. Although I have an idea."

"Maybe it was someone who used to be close to your son," Kisa said slowly.

But the old lady shook her head.

"By the time he died, he had no friends. He only had his father and me. There's only one person who knows about his death, but as I said, by the time my son died, they weren't friends anymore." Now the lady's eyes got teary, and Kisa had no idea what to say or do. For a minute, he stayed completely silent, and just stared at the lady.

"I'm sorry," he then managed to mumble. "I have no idea what it feels like to lose someone like this."

The old lady smiled, and wiped the corner of her eyes.

"Yet, you're saying sorry to a silly old lady you don't even know, about someone you might have never met, and you mean it. And you can't even imagine how much it means."

Kisa sniffed. He was tearing up. He truly felt sorry for this lady.

He didn't want to make the lady feel worse by talking more about it. He took a deep breath, and tried to change the topic.

"May I ask how old you are?"

"Fifty-six," she replied with a soft chuckle. "What about you, young man?"

Kisa smiled.

"Thirty."

The lady nodded, and glanced at Kisa for a moment. And then she turned towards the window. Kisa wondered why she went silent all of a sudden. He didn't say anything. But a minute later, the old lady turned back to Kisa.

"My son would the same age as you," she whispered.

When Kisa got off the bus, he let his tears roll down on his cheek. He felt sad for this old lady, and he felt bad because he couldn't say anything to comfort her. Although he wanted to.

He walked towards his apartment slowly, wondering how the lady's son might have died. It was probably a disease, Kisa thought.

As he finally got the chance to fall into his bed, he closed his eyes, and let them rest. He didn't even bother with changing or taking a shower. He could do that tomorrow.

His thoughts went back to the session he was going to have with Takano, and to obviously Yukina. Kisa sighed. He should have given him his phone number, so they could still be in contact. But it was risky, as Yukina, who might have been a highly intelligent kid, was kind of clumsy. He might not pay attention and text Kisa in front of someone who should never see it.

As Kisa got deeper in his thoughts, he had slowly fallen asleep.

* * *

The next day was a rough one. Kisa woke up quite late as he had forgotten to set an alarm. He had to hurry up, he didn't even have the time to shower. He didn't have time to get proper breakfast, and it made him feel quite grumpy. He didn't want to be around any of his colleagues, or any of the students, especially not Yukina.

On his way to work, he grabbed something to eat from a nearby convenient store. It wasn't much, but still something, and he felt less dizzy and grumpy from hunger.

He walked into his office two minutes before his first class started, and he hardly even knew where he was. He just put all of his unorganized notes into his briefcase, and nearly ran towards the classroom. He nearly fell over as he opened the door. His day had begun.

And he survived the day. He even survived the double English classes with Yukina in it. And as the afternoon came, he only had one thing to look for: the session with Takano. Kisa had all his hopes in it, he just wanted to get better, he just wanted Takano to clean this mess in his head.

As Kisa left the building of the university, he walked straight to Takano's place. He wasn't very familiar with that area, but he believed in Google Maps. Although it confused the hell out of him, he finally found the address. He was standing in front of a tall gate, the tag on the wall said 'Takano'.

Kisa rang the bell. The door opened almost immediately, and Takano walked out. He was in casual clothes. He looked so different.

"Good evening," Kisa greeted as Takano opened the gate.

"Good evening. I'm glad you got here safe."

Kisa nodded.

"I don't think I've ever been around here before."

Takano smiled at him, and invited him inside his house. Kisa looked around as he set his feet in there. It looked just as cosy and organised as Takano's school office was. His shoes were neatly put next to each other, his kitchen and living room tidy.

"My office's this way," Takano pointed at a door in the end of the living room. Kisa nodded, and followed him. In the office was a dark red leather sofa, and a dark brown mahogany table across from it. "Take a seat, please."

Kisa sat down onto the leather sofa, which was just way too comfortable. Takano took a seat in the big chair behind his table.

"You have a nice office," Kisa complimented.

"Thanks," Takano's mouth curled upwards. "So, in the next two hours, I'll need you to start talking to me. And as you're talking, I'll try and dig as deep in your mind as I can. Do you think we can do that?"

Kisa nodded uncertainly.

"I hope so."

"Okay. Please, begin."

Kisa let out a shaky breath, and began to talk.

He started out with how he met Yoshida.

 _It was the first day of school, and Kisa was quite confused, looking for his last class. He was walking down the corridor when he heard this cheerfully melodic piano song coming from the music room. He followed the sound until he found the exact room, and there he was. A young brunet was sitting at the piano, his fingers dancing on the keys passionately. Kisa couldn't keep his eyes off that guy, and it seemed like he noticed because he started speaking without missing a key._

 _"Do you like piano song?"_

 _But Kisa had no idea what to say. He had never really been interested in it._

 _A few seconds later, the brunet stopped playing, and turned towards Kisa with an angelic smile, and Kisa blushed hard._

 _"First year?"_

 _Kisa slowly nodded._

 _"I guess you're not."_

 _The brunet grinned._

 _"I am."_

 _And Kisa had finally felt brave enough to step closer. He told the boy how beautiful he found the song, and they smiled at each other. Kisa felt an instant connection to this boy._

 _"My name's Yoshida Ryo."_

Kisa gulped. Now that he was talking about this, he felt strange. As if he was relieving the past, and he wanted to burst out crying, but he was also feeling a little less heavier inside. He glanced at Takano who was patiently waiting for him to continue.

And Kisa did. He jumped to the time where Yoshida and he were good friends. And where things had changed between them.

 _It was nearly May, and Yoshida and Kisa agreed on going to get some ice cream after school. Kisa would have been a fool to say no to his invitation. He was crushing on him hard, and sometimes he was wondering how he was able to hide his feelings._

 _Having an ice cream with Yoshida was more than amazing. It was a daydream. Even after finishing their ice creams, they were walking down slowly by the riverside, talking about basically nonsense. They enjoyed each other's company, and Kisa would have given anything to make it last forever._

 _"You know, Kisa, I'm honestly glad you decided to stop by the music room last month," Yoshida suddenly said, and Kisa grinned._

 _"I'm glad you're glad."_

 _"And I was wondering, if, uh-"_

 _Kisa raised his eyebrows, and waited for Yoshida to continue, but the boy's face just got redder and redder._

 _"Are you okay? You look like you're having a fever."_

 _"Oh, no, that's not the case," Yoshida chuckled. "Okay, Imma spill it. So, I was wondering if you wanna go out with me? Please don't judge me, I just like you a lot…"_

 _Yoshida spoke so fast that the words melted into each other, and everything he said was nearly gibberish to Kisa. But he understood him. And his heart almost beat out of his chest in joy. As if a dream just came true._

 _"I- Yeah, I'd totally love going out with you."_

 _And Yoshida screamed a 'yes' to the sky as he jumped around like a kid, and Kisa laughed at him. He was happy. Truly happy._

Kisa stopped again. His eyes were tearing up, and Takano probably noticed it because he cleared his throat, and began to talk, breaking the sudden silence between them.

"So, to me, it seems like you're stuck in your past."

"Yeah," Kisa breathed as he wiped the corner of his eyes. "And then we were together for three years, and we were, like, truly happy. And then they suddenly told me that we can't be together anymore."

"And up to this day, you've been wondering why," Takano said as if reading Kisa's mind. Kisa nodded. "Have you tried to date new people since then?"

Kisa didn't know what to say. Hooking up with strangers in bars probably didn't count.

"I guess not. I had some… umm… one night stands, but my mind always went back to my past lover."

"Yes, it seems like this woman leaving you was a big trauma," Takano nodded.

And Kisa raised his eyebrows at him, blinking for a few second. And then he understood where the problem was. He forgot to mention one small fact.

"Look, if I tell you a secret, can you promise me not to tell anyone?"

"Kisa-san, that's why I'm a psychologists," Takano replied with a soft frown. "I am literally expected to keep secrets."

Kisa exhaled, he kept on biting his lip. He was nervous. He had never come out to anyone except his parents and Yoshida. He gulped as he took a deep breath.

"My past lover, uh… He wasn't a woman. He was a guy. His name was…" And he stopped. Takano thought Kisa dated a woman because Kisa unconsciously avoided to mention Yoshida's name.

"You don't need to tell me his name now," Takano slowly began, "but sooner or later, you'll have to face this fear you have connected to this person. I will try to help you face them sooner rather than later, though."

Kisa nodded, smiling gratefully at Takano.

"I really hope you can help me."

"Why haven't you seen a professional before?"

Kisa laughed a little.

"I have no idea. I guess I never had the guts."

"I see," Takano nodded again. Kisa was so nervous that it brought him a little joy to note the fact that all Takano did was nodding. For an absurd reason, he almost laughed at it.

"Yeah…"

"And is there someone new in your life?"

Now Kisa laughed out loud, and Takano seemed puzzled.

"How did you know?" Kisa then asked.

"It's kind of a routine question," Takano replied. "I assume that person is the reason you've finally reached out for help."

"That's true," Kisa nearly shrieked. He knew well that he needed Takano's help, but the way Takano read him just by a fragment of his past was scary.

"Well, I'm glad you reached out," Takano scratched his head. "Just by the things you've told me, I can tell that you need some kind of… _guidance_. It feels like you are stuck and lost in your past, and you can't find the way out."

All Kisa could do is nod shyly. He had never tried to explore this whole things from this point of view. And now that Takano did it for him, he felt grateful, and also scared. He had been holding onto these memories, the memory of Yoshida for way too long, and letting go of him, and finally getting over him was scary.

"I… I know I need this, but…"

"You're anxious. Scared," Takano finished the sentence for him. He smiled at Kisa. "It's all over your face. You need to imagine your mind like a garden. It's full of your favourite plants and flowers. But there are some unwanted ones. And you keep cutting them off, but they grow back. So, what do you do in this case?"

Kisa shrugged. He had never done anything garden related.

"I honestly have no idea."

"You pull the unwanted plants out by their roots, so they don't grow back. That's what we'll need to do with this 'unwanted plant' in the garden of your mind. With the memory of your past lover."

"Okay…" Kisa replied slowly. He had no idea how he could have imagined it happening, but he trusted Takano.

"Obviously, we can't make you forget it," Takano continued. "But after we pulled the plant out, we can put it away, maybe plant it somewhere else. We will have to take your past by its roots, and pull it out, and plant the present to its place."

Kisa was holding his breath back. He was truly impressed.

"So, how are we gonna do this?"

"I'm gonna apply a method called cognitive behavioural therapy. This therapy will help you identify, understand, and correct your distorted thoughts. These thoughts are the ones having a negative effect on your feelings and behaviour."

"Wow." It was all Kisa managed to say. No matter how he looked at it, it still scared the hell out of him.

"Have you heard of the thought-feeling-behaviour cycle?" Takano now asked. Kisa needed a minute to think, but then he nodded.

"I have taken some psychology classes in university, but it's been a while."

"So, it's basically how your negative thoughts create feelings, these feelings affected by your negative thoughts create unwanted behaviours, and these behaviours reinforce thoughts. And it goes on, and on, and on."

Takano stopped for a moment, and Kisa was sure he was waiting for him to process the information he had just gotten.

"So, first of all, I'd say you need two sessions a week. Cognitive behavioural therapy's duration depends on the individual's progress. The sooner we cure you, the fewer session you'll need."

"Okay. So when should I come back?" Kisa asked.

"Saturday," Takano replied. "And we're going to take your problem, break it down into small parts, and analyse it. As well as we're going to analyse your thoughts, feelings, actions, etcetera. And we're going to break this cycle."

Takano glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost seven thirty.

"For now, go home, Kisa-san, have some rest."

"Okay," Kisa nodded. "At what time should I come here?"

"Six is fine. Let's dig up your mind."

* * *

The next morning, Kisa was on his way to his next class, when someone almost bumped into him. It was Yukina. And he was pulled back by one of his friends.

"Jesus Christ, Kou, be careful!" the guy scolded Yukina. Then he turned towards Kisa. "I'm sorry, sensei, you're not the first one he almost bumped into today."

"What do you mean Professor Kisa is not the first one?" Yukina argued. "I'm not that clumsy."

"You almost ran Yokozawa over with your bike!"

"I did not!"

"Once again, sensei, I'm sorry," the guy talked to Kisa again, "Kou must be on K-Pax or some shit."

Kisa took a deep breath.

"Alright, first of all, it's Yokozawa-sensei," he began. "Second off, watch your language! And third off, stop arguing."

"Yes, sensei…"

"And go to class. Both of you."

Yukina and his friend headed down the corridor. But then Yukina turned around, and yelled:

"Just to make things clear, I wasn't even close to Yokozawa-sensei, I didn't almost run him over. I'm not that dangerous!"

Yukina's friend laughed. Kisa laughed as well while walking towards to the next class. Even when that class was over and he was sitting in the office, he was smiling to himself. All he could think about was Yukina and that innocent smile on his face. Even if Yukina had run Yokozawa over with his bike, and Kisa had seen it, he would have probably laughed. And he wasn't sure if it was because he didn't like Yokozawa or because he was into Yukina.

"Someone is smiley today," a voice pointed out, and Kisa turned towards it. It was Takano and Miyagi standing above him.

"I guess," Kisa replied. "How are you today, Takano-san? Miyagi-sensei?"

"So-so," Miyagi answered the question first. "I could be doing greater, but sadly I'm having some… problems."

"What? Love affair, or something?"

This question was intended to be a joke, but Kisa could have sworn that Miyagi blushed a little. Although he shook his head as he lifted a cigarette to his mouth.

"No, it's… something different. Anyway, is there a reason why you're so smiley today, Kisa? And would you wanna share this reason with us? I could use some smile, y'know."

Takano chuckled, and Kisa blushed just like Miyagi did a minute ago.

"It's just… a joke I thought of. It's a very silly one. I have a weird sense of humour."

Miyagi rolled his eyes.

"Don't even tell me then. I hate most of them puns and jokes. But I'm glad I've finally seen you smile, Kisa."

Kisa raised his eye brows in surprise.

"What do you mean?"

Miyagi exhaled a cloud of smoke which made Kisa cough. Meanwhile, two other professors entered the office, one of them was Kamijou-sensei.

"Could you, like, not smoke in here?" he spoke to Miyagi. "You're killing us."

"You're not in the position to tell me what to do," Miyagi replied.

Kisa watched them argue about how Miyagi shouldn't be smoking in the office, and how Kamijou should go to hell. He was pretty glad the topic changed, and he wasn't in the centre of the conversation anymore.

He glanced at the sky through the windows. And then he glanced back at Takano. How long would it take for Takano to cure Kisa? And how long would it take for Kisa to heal?

Kisa sat back in his chair. His heart started beating faster to a thought that suddenly crossed his mind.

He wanted to be with Yukina as soon as he could.

* * *

 **A/N:**

Hey there! So, I'm back with a new chapter. Didn't take too long, did it? *yes it did*

So, first of all, I've won Camp Nano, I've written 30k words in 19 days, and now I'm going to sit down and re-read what I've written so far, and edit the hell out of it. The story is far ahead, and it was so weird to look at ch6 when I was writing ch13 just yesterday :'D

Anyway, I hope you enjoy. If you're reading my story, then thank you. It means a lot. :3 And if you've written a review, also thank you. If you liked it, don't forget to leave a comment, I'd like to see what you guys think^^

Until next time!

 _Ricchan_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – Together**

The end of the day brought some luckiness to Kisa. He found Yukina's notebook dropped in the corridor. He picked it up, and an idea crossed his mind. When he got back to his office to get ready and go home, he tore a piece of paper out of one of his notebooks, and wrote his phone number on it. His hands were slightly shaking as he slid his number into Yukina's notebook. Now he just needed to give it back to him.

As soon as he left the office, he spotted Yukina. He was looking for something in his bag, probably the missing notebook that was in Kisa's hand.

"Looking for this?"

Yukina looked straight at the notebook that Kisa handed him.

"Oh my, I thought I'd never find it!" His voice was so desperate that Kisa almost smiled at it. "Thank you. Where did you find it?"

"It was around here. Sorry I couldn't give it back sooner."

Yukina shook his head, smiling widely.

"It's alright. I'm glad I got it back."

Kisa rolled his eyes as he walked past Yukina, heading towards the stairs.

"Just make sure you don't lose it again."

And before the brunet could have said anything, Kisa left. He was nervous and excited. He just hoped Yukina would find his number in the notebook anytime soon.

It was cold out there, getting colder and colder with every day. December was also coming fast, and Kisa had to think about buying Christmas presents for his brother. Each year he would be walking around in shopping centres for hours, and each year, he would be remembering the first Christmas he had spent with Yoshida.

He was hoping he didn't need to remember anymore. He hoped that Takano's sessions would clean his mind by Christmas. And he sure hoped that he wouldn't be lonely on Christmas night. If he had one wish, he'd wish for Yukina and him being together.

As Kisa got home, he headed straight to the bathroom to take a quick shower. When he finished, he opened his fridge to see what was there to eat. It didn't really matter if it was full or not, Kisa always ended up eating instant ramen. As he was heating up some water for his dinner, his phone rang. The number wasn't familiar, but still, his heart skipped a beat. Just be it Yukina, he thought.

"Hello?"

"Kisa-san!" It was Yukina. He was, in fact, screaming into the phone in joy. "Kisa-san, I just found your number in my notebook! I can't believe it! You put your number into it before giving it back to me!"

"That's right, Sherlock, I did," Kisa rolled his eyes. And yet, he was smiling. Smiling like an idiot.

"I- uh… I have no idea what to say, I'm just so excited."

Kisa chuckled. His face was red, his heart beating fast. He was excited himself.

"I can hear it, moron."

Now he could hear Yukina taking a deep breath, then exhaling, trying to calm himself. He repeated this act a few times before talking again. Kisa was waiting patiently while making his dinner ready.

"Okay, I think I'll live," Yukina finally said, and Kisa laughed.

"It's not like having my number would kill you."

"I know, but… How come you gave me your number?"

Kisa slightly frowned as he sat down onto his couch. Why did he give Yukina his number? From his point of view, it was obvious – he wanted Yukina to call him, he wanted some sort of connection to that boy. But maybe Yukina was too much of a young moron that he didn't get it. Which made Kisa smile a little.

"So you have it," he replied. "You might not tell anyone, though. Also, if you save it, use a different name or something. And if you decide to call me in public, don't mention my name if possible."

"I didn't know there were rules to having your number," Yukina laughed out loud. "But I'll follow them. Obviously. I don't wanna get caught."

"I hoped you'd be aware of the consequences."

Yukina sighed on the other side of the line.

"Yeah. But still, I'm willing to take the risk."

"So it seems."

"Oh, and Kisa-san…"

Kisa was waiting for him to go on, but he didn't. Kisa frowned again.

"What?"

"On the second of December, exactly in a week, I'll have a piano contest. Wanna come? Although I know you're not a big fan of pianos and-"  
"I'll be there," Kisa replied instantly, interrupting Yukina. "At what time?"

"Six. It's also a Friday, so it should be okay."

"I know," Kisa nodded to the phone. "Don't worry, moron. I'll be there."

* * *

The following day was Sunday, which meant another session with Takano. Kisa felt a tiny bit nervous. He was at Takano's gate before the agreed time, but Takano didn't seem bothered. He let Kisa in, they talked about university things, and when six o'clock came, they walked to Takano's office. But unlike the other day, Takano pulled his chair to the side of the sofa.

"Please, lie down," he told Kisa, and Kisa did it.

Takano was sitting behind him with a pen and a notebook, ready to take notes of whatever Kisa was going to say.

"So, today we are going to analyse your problem, and break it down into small pieces. Are you ready for that? I'll need to dig into your mind, into your deepest thoughts." Kisa nodded, although this nod was very uncertain. "The problem here is that you couldn't get over your past lover, isn't it?"

"Yes," Kisa replied.

"And what could be the reason that this new person couldn't help?"

"I don't know…" Kisa took a deep breath. And then he sighed. "Okay, I do know. It's probably because I see my ex in him."

Kisa heard Takano humming, and scribing something into his notebook.

"What makes them so similar?" Takano then asked. Kisa gulped. He seriously didn't want to go into details. But in order to get better, he had to.

"It's their personalities," he began. "It's their looks as well. Like, Yu- this new person has the same hairstyle, hair colour as my ex."

He stopped. That's pretty much all he managed to tell. Not to mention that he had almost revealed Yukina's name, which, even if Takano was supposed to keep secrets, would have been dangerous.

"I see." Takano scribed something again. "Can you list a few things that makes them different?"

Kisa almost said no. But as he thought about Yukina, he smiled, almost laughed even. Kisa had just realised, that Yukina and Yoshida might have been similar, but maybe they weren't completely alike after all.

"So… Yoshida was lively, and outgoing as well as this new person is. I'll just call him X for now. But Yoshida was more… careful. X is carefree, he's clumsy, he's loud sometimes, and… maybe he has a different facial expression when it comes to his biggest passion. He's also probably taller than Yoshida was when we parted away."

Takano stopped scribing the second Kisa stopped talking. For a long moment, none of them seemed to do anything, and Kisa rubbed his forehead.

"Seems like you've already made some progress," Takano managed to say, and Kisa could hear the smile in his voice.

"Huh?" Kisa raised an eyebrow in surprise. "How so?"

"You could name some differences between these two people. And it means that on a certain level, you can part them away from each other. You don't completely see them as one and the same. And that's a good sign."

"Do you remember parts of the past when you look at this new person?"

Kisa thought for a second. And then he nodded.

"Sometimes."

"If he was standing right in front of you right now, what do you think you would remember?"

Kisa imagined Yukina suddenly appearing in front of him, showing him that innocent smiled of his. The first thing that Kisa would remember would probably be the same smile he had seen on Yoshida's face. But then this image changed to a memory where Yukina held him close gently. And as he imagined this, he didn't seem remember anything about Yoshida. He touched his own shoulder as if he was relieving that moment. It was only the thought of Yukina, no one else's.

Kisa didn't really know what to say to that question, although Takano was waiting for him to say something. Kisa sighed.

"I… don't think I would necessarily remember," he finally replied slowly.

"Very good," Takano said. "You will need to focus on these small things. The differences between person one and person two. And the things that make you think you wouldn't remember person one when you're with person two."

Kisa nodded.

"It was worse, like, a month ago."

"But it seems that you have improved by yourself. And that's really great."

"I know, but I still have these weird thoughts occasionally."

Kisa heard Takano writing in his notebook again.

"Weird thoughts? The thoughts of them being similar?"

"Exactly," Kisa sighed. "I just… can't shake off this feeling."

Now Kisa heard Takano flipping a page, writing and writing, and then he stopped. Kisa didn't say anything, and Takano went silent as well. But a few seconds later, he spoke.

"The problem here is that the moment you saw X, you started thinking that he looks like your past lover. And you've been feeding this thought by always reminding yourself – whether it's conscious or unconscious – that they are almost the same. As soon as you manage to completely get over your past lover, you'll manage to get rid of these thoughts, and see X for who he is."

Kisa gulped, and nodded again. He found it a little frightening how weird his mind worked. He had never thought about all these things before. But with Takano, he was able to see his own thoughts from a different view.

When Kisa left, he felt a slightly bit lighter. Especially because Takano told him that he was curing on his own. But they both knew that he still needed time to fully improve his mind into moving on.

* * *

Time flew fast, and to Kisa, it felt like it was just a day ago that Yukina invited him to see his contest. In no time, it was next week's Friday, and also the last day of school before winter break. Kisa felt nervous, but he knew that Yukina was probably feeling worse. And Kisa didn't know what made him feel more nervous – the fact that he would get to see Yukina in a contest, or he would get to see and talk to Yukina. Either way, he needed to go through the last day with hiding his nervousness and excitement. Especially because Yukina would instantly know that Kisa felt like that because of him, and God know how excited it would make Yukina. Kisa didn't want him or the both of them to get in trouble. Although he knew that Yukina was way smarter than to run up to him and say something weird in front of others. Just a week ago, he had said that he was aware of the risks.

When Kisa walked into his office, he stopped for a second. Then he frowned. His eyes met Yukimura-sensei herself. She was sitting at her own table with a pack of notes and a few notebooks. Kisa smiled at her, although, for some strange reason, he felt disappointed. And he knew he was a complete jerk for feeling like that about seeing a colleague who just got back to work from absence.

"Good morning, Yukimura!" Kisa greeted as he took a seat not too far from her.

"Oh, Kisa!" she threw a huge, happy grin at him. "Good morning! How has it been? Sorry you had to take over all my classes. Must have been a pain."

Kisa shook his head. It started as a pain in the ass. A huge pain, in fact. But it ended up something that he was waiting for so long – it all ended up in a love that might make him finally forget. Because if Yukimura hadn't been absent, Kisa wouldn't have taken over her classes, and he wouldn't have gotten this close to Yukina in the end. And this might have been the reason Kisa felt slightly disappointed to see Yukimura here. No matter how hard he needed to avoid Yukina's glance in classes, no matter how hard he needed to try and not think about him when they were in the same classroom, Kisa didn't want all this to end.

And this is why he felt like a complete jerk. His love he felt for Yukina affected his thoughts and feelings, and now that he was disappointed, it was all as if he wanted Yukimura to be absent for another month. But he definitely didn't want that. He would never wish bad for anyone.

Kisa knew that the moment when he needed to quit would come as soon as his relationship with Yukina began. But now that he had such thoughts upon seeing Yukimura, he was certain that he needed to quit as soon as possible.

Because his feelings for Yukina would affect not only their relationship in school, but Kisa's relationships with his colleagues as well.

He sighed.

Yokozawa is going to kill him.

* * *

It was five minutes to six, and Kisa was hiding behind the huge amount of people. A few days ago, he texted Yukina to ask where the contest would be. It was in a theatre, so Kisa was able to hide himself amongst the people who came to see it. So far, he hadn't seen anyone familiar. But then he spotted someone.

It was the old lady. Now that he thought about it, he had never asked her name. After running into her several times, maybe it was time he did. He decided to do so after the contest. Now he was wondering why the old lady was here. Maybe she had another son or daughter who participated this contest. God knows, Kisa thought.

He turned towards the stage, and the lights went off, just so the stage could be lit up. In the middle of the stage was a shiny, brown piano. It looked new and beautiful. Kisa couldn't wait to see Yukina performing.

A woman walked up to the stage with a microphone in her hand. She greeted everyone, and told some general things, like 'please, shut down your phone, put it on silent'. Kisa let out a long sigh. Even though her short speech ended quickly, Kisa felt like it would last forever. He was incredibly excited.

The first competitor was a very young girl, probably a middle school student. She played with her eyes closed, and Kisa thought it was a thing pianists did. Yukina did the same when Kisa saw him playing on that autumn day. He smiled to that thought. The girl did great in his opinion. She played a rather cheerful song, and the audience clapped the second she started playing. It was the type of song you could dance to.

Kisa watched all the competitors with a small smile. He liked every song he had heard so far. But still, he was wondering when Yukina would be on stage. And then it hit him.

Alphabetical order. By that meaning, Yukina would be one of the last competitors. Kisa sighed. He had no idea just how many of them were competing that evening.

And after a while, Yukina had finally appeared on stage. Kisa's chest clenched. So did his stomach. The lights were on Yukina, lighting up his whole figure. He was shining, and Kisa couldn't take his eyes off him.

Yukina licked his lips, and started playing. His song was similar to the young girl's. It was uplifting, cheerful, and it made Kisa think of the sun when it first shines after a long stormy day. When it shines through the dark clouds, and a rainbow appears on the sky somewhere far, far away. When it shines down onto the raindrops on the bright green glass, and the raindrops shine as well. When the kids run out of the house to play outside.

It kind of reminded Kisa of his childhood. When he was a kid, he used to run out to to play after the storm, jumping into every puddle, touching the raindrops on the gate, the grass, anywhere.

And Kisa smiled like an idiot as he was listening to Yukina's song. His eyes even tore up for no particular reason. When Yukina finished, he turned towards the audience, and bowed, then left the stage. There were three other competitors after him, but Kisa couldn't pay attention to them anymore. His mind was completely around Yukina.

Shortly, the contest ended, and a few minutes later, the lady walked up to the stage again, and announced the winners. Yukina wasn't one of them, and Kisa felt sad for him. He knew how excited and passionate he was about this whole thing.

As he was heading towards the exit to wait for Yukina there, he spotted the boy standing around the door. He smiled.

"You good?"

Yukina looked up instantly, and grinned at Kisa.

"You came!"

"I did. You did great."

"Did I? I didn't even win," Yukina sighed, and Kisa didn't really know what to say to cheer him up. He was never good at cheering people.

He shrugged.

"I mean, you did win something."

"What? What do you mean?"

"You've won some experience."

Yukina burst out laughing. Kisa chuckled. That joke was horrible, but it seemed that Yukina liked it.

"But seriously, I was trying so hard!" Yukina complained when he stopped laughing.

"I know. Just because you didn't win doesn't mean you haven't done great."

Yukina opened his mouth to argue, but he just ended up smiling.

"Okay, I believe you, Kisa-san."

Kisa nodded as he smiled up at Yukina, then he looked around. He made sure there wasn't anyone who could see them. He looked up at Yukina again, and grabbed him by the collar of his jacket, and pulled him close. Their lips met for a tiny kiss.

He didn't care that Takano hadn't cured him yet. He didn't care that he still had thoughts of the past on his mind.

He wanted Yukina. He wanted to be with Yukina, no matter what. Takano told him that he made progress on his own before they even started the sessions. Maybe he could make progress with Yukina on his side.

Not to mention, that Kisa couldn't wait any longer. He was planning to be patient. But in the end, he couldn't be.

And he knew Yukina wanted him, too.

When they parted, Yukina seemed slightly surprised, and all he could do was grinning. On the other hand, Kisa knew what he had to do next.

"Yukina…"

"Yes?"

"You do love me, don't you?"

Yukina blushed a little, and nodded. For a moment, he looked like an enthusiastic little kid.

"I guess you do, too?"

Kisa nodded with a small smile.

"I do. I do love you, Yukina. Therefore, I'm going to quit Mitsuhashi."

* * *

 **A/N:**

Woohoo! They're finally together. I hope you guys liked this chapter.

Thank you for your reviews, it is honestly so nice to read your positive feedbacks :) It makes me soooo happy 3 Please don't forget to leave a comment if you've read my story ^^ I'd really love to hear from you. :)

until next time

 _Ricchan_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 - Forgetting**

The time of healing, that was how Kisa could describe the following days and weeks. His relationship with Yukina had finally began, and the sessions with Takano went pretty well. He had told Yukina about these sessions, and for his surprise, the brunet supported him. He accepted that the biggest help he could do was giving time to Kisa to completely heal and forget.

Kisa had noticed it several times, but each time he had spent with Yukina, he had to acknowledge that this boy was way smarter than anyone he had ever known. He hadn't asked Kisa about his past, and he didn't try to give him unnecessary advice on how to heal or what to do to get better. And Kisa had fallen in love with him more and more for these little things.

As it was winter break, they got to spend a lot of time together. They usually just hung out at each other's place – surprisingly, Yukina lived alone, and he originally came from Sapporo. A few days before Christmas, they went shopping together. They planned to visit Yukina's family, so the boy could introduce Kisa to his parents. They had already booked plane tickets to Hokkaido, and it made Kisa feel nervous. Did Yukina's family know that he was into guys? Especially into a certain thirty-year-old?

"Hmm, I have no idea what to buy for my brother," Yukina sighed as he walked amongst the shelves in one of the shops.

"You have a brother?" Kisa frowned. It was something new to hear.

"Yeah, an older brother," Yukina nodded. "And he has everything he needs, so that's why it's hard to pick him a present."

Kisa hummed as he tried to help Yukina find a gift for his brother.

"I have an older brother myself," he then said. "He's quite weird."

"Wow, that's good to know," Yukina said. He was as surprised to hear that Kisa had a brother as Kisa was when he heard that Yukina had one. "So, weird in what meaning?"

"Uh… Let's not mention him. He doesn't live with my parents anymore, and he works somewhere quite far from Tokyo. He hardly ever goes home," Kisa explained.

"Well, that is indeed weird."

Later, Yukina had finally found what he wanted to buy. Kisa had bought a few things himself. Although he had just bought presents for Yukina.

"Do you want to check out the Christmas market tomorrow?" Yukina asked when they finally got out of the busy, crowded shopping centre.

Kisa nodded.

"Yeah, why not?"

"Good! We could also check out the Christmas lights!"

"You're very passionate about Christmas, aren't you?"

Yukina laughed softly, with a slight blush on his face.

"I am. I love Christmas. And I've always wanted to spend it with someone special."

Kisa stopped for a moment, and just watched as Yukina continued walking alone. His face went red, redder than Yukina's went just a second ago. And his heart… his heart clenched, but also, it was beating fast in joy.

He hadn't felt special, nor had he been told so for a very, very long time.

That night, he pulled as close to Yukina as he could, embracing him, holding him closely. Kisa wanted him to stay forever.

* * *

Christmas day was filled with excitement and nervousness. Kisa and Yukina had almost missed the flight to Hokkaido. They needed to catch a taxi to the airport, then run around in the building to check in and find the right gates. But fortunately, they made it in time.

"Life sure is an adventure," Yukina said with his usual enthusiasm and cheerfulness. Kisa, however, couldn't share these feelings. He felt tired, and he was struggling to breath.

"Is it?" he grunted.

"Can't wait to introduce you to my parents. Oh, I almost forgot…"

"Forgot what?" Kisa frowned.

"I told my parents about you, so they know who to expect," Yukina said with a huge grin. He probably thought it would calm Kisa. Well, it certainly didn't. It just made Kisa feel more nervous.

If Yukina's parents hadn't been good with him dating Kisa, they would have told him, and Yukina would have told Kisa. Right?

"Kisa-san?" Yukina leaned closer now, and Kisa turned towards him, looking into his eyes. "You don't need to worry about anything. My family is fine with us being together."

"I believe you, Yukina," Kisa forced a smile onto his face.

However, he couldn't shake off this overwhelming nervousness. Yukina seemed surprisingly calm and collected. And it made Kisa feel a little embarrassed. He should have been the one who's calm, not Yukina. He was the older one after all.

When the gates had finally opened, they went through the checks there. In just ten minutes, they were on the plane, their shoulders touched in the tight seats. Yukina slid his fingers on Kisa's hand and smiled at him.

"Are you scared?"

Kisa shook his head. Now a stewardess held a short presentation about safety on the flight, and after that, the plane had finally taken off. For a few minutes, Kisa felt this uncomfortable feeling in his ears, but as soon as this feeling had faded, his whole body was taken over by exhaustion. He didn't even notice when he had fallen asleep. He leaned against Yukina's shoulder, and his eyes automatically closed. The last thing he had felt was Yukina stroking his arm slowly.

He was woken up by a heavy turbulence. He almost jumped up as it scared him.

"Are you okay?" Yukina asked sleepily. Kisa assumed he was asleep as well.

"Yeah, I just got scared."

Yukina chuckled as he stretched in the seat and yawned. Kisa watched him with a smile.

"Do you know the time?"

Kisa reached for his phone and checked it.

"Five minutes to ten. I've slept for an hour."

"Yeah, me too," Yukina nodded. "I think I fell asleep the minute you did."

Thirty minutes later, the plane started landing. Once again, it was painful for their ears, and Kisa had a horrible headache with that, so he left the plane quite grumpyly when they finally opened the door. Behind him, Yukina was humming a song cheerfully, and Kisa wished he could share that feeling. He just wanted to get out of the airport, and get some fresh air.

"We'll need to catch a bus, Kisa-san," Yukina suddenly said.

"Okay. Lead me, I've never been to Sapporo before."

Yukina grabbed his hand, and pulled him through the crowd with hurried steps, and Kisa, although he was nearly running behind him, let him do it. From that moment, Yukina was his guide. They finally got out of the airport. Running around the airport with the big packs they had wasn't exactly the easiest thing, though.

But now they were at the bus stop. The bus was due in a few minutes, and Yukina threw a wide smile at Kisa.

"I'm sooo excited! Are you excited?"

Kisa gulped and turned his gaze down. No, he wasn't excited. He was so nervous that the nerves in his palms were aching, and his stomach was clenched. He had no idea how he would hide his shaking hands from Yukina or his parents.

The bus came, and they hopped on, Yukina bought the tickets, and they took their seats in the last row. The whole time, Kisa kept staring out the window, and he only assumed that Yukina noticed his worsening nervousness because he gently put his hand on his shoulder, smiling softly. Kisa smiled back. Maybe it was too soon to see Yukina's parents. Maybe they should have spent the holidays separately.

Kisa sighed. Here they were, those negative thoughts. He didn't need them right before a big moment like meeting Yukina's parents.

Instead, Kisa tried to think about what could possibly go wrong. Maybe assuring himself that everything was perfectly fine would help him calm down. But a lot of things could go wrong, and he was aware of that. Although Yukina said his parents were fine with them being together…

"Seriously, Kisa-san, you're trembling, you need to stop thinking about it too much," Yukina whispered to his ears. It gave Kisa goosebumps.

When they got off, Kisa watched the bus passing by, then slowly followed Yukina down the sidewalk. On the asphalt was melting snow, and it was chilling out there.

It was so strange that Yukina was nine years his junior, yet he was the braver. Kisa, himself, was a train wreck. At least he felt like that. Not only did he think that he should be the braver one and take the lead, and shouldn't be thinking about how things would turn out by the end of the day, but he was scolding himself for not trusting Yukina enough to believe what he had said. To believe that his parents were fine about their son dating a thirty-year-old adult man.

It didn't take too long to get to Yukina's parents' house, and before Yukina opened the small gate, Kisa drew a deep breath, then exhaled it. He got to focus on giving a good first impression from now. Yukina was still smiling, and had been for a while now. Kisa knew he was very happy about this encounter. On a certain level, Kisa was, too.

Yukina pushed the door handle down, and opened it, and Kisa could feel the warmth of the house on his skin before he could set his feet into the living room.

"Mum, dad, we're home!" Yukina yelled happily.

From the stairs, Kisa could hear footsteps. Someone was running down to see them.

"Kou!"

It was probably Yukina's mother, Kisa assumed. She had medium length, light-brown hair, and a smile that was exactly the same as Yukina's. But on the other hand, she looked nothing like her son. She hugged Yukina tightly, and Kisa watched them from the background, on his face a warm smile. For a moment, his nervousness seemed to stop crawling up in his chest. From that hug, he could tell that Yukina hadn't been home for a while.

And then the woman let go of Yukina, and took a look at Kisa. Her eyes were just as sparkly as Yukina's.

"Hello, there! It's Kisa-kun, isn't it?"

Kisa bowed in front of her, and smiled, but he was sure this smile was quite weird.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Kisa Shouta."

She kept smiling warmly at Kisa, and it was somehow relaxing.

"It's nice to meet you, too. I'm Yukina Hiroko." Then she headed towards the kitchen. "Come on, don't be shy, feel free to come in."

Kisa nodded, and Yukina grabbed his hand for a second, then let go of it.

Their house was quite big. A living room twice as big as Kisa's; a kitchen that was completely lit up by the winter sun. From the room downstairs, Kisa could hear the TV, although as he peeked into that room, no one seemed to be there.

"Ah, forgot to tell you that you dad won't be home until nine today, Kou."

"Oh, how come?"

"Work," Hiroko sighed. "He's been working quite hard. Also, your brother swapped to night work, so he's sleeping at the moment."

"I see…"

"So, tell me something about yourself, Kisa-kun," Hiroko now turned towards Kisa, and Kisa's anxiety started acting up again. "Heard some things about you from Kou, though."

Now Kisa was wondering what those things might have been that Yukina told his mother about him. He was certain that Hiroko knew about his age. What else did she know?

"Umm…"

"He's quite shy," Yukina grinned, and Kisa blushed. Hiroko chuckled.

"No, I just get weird when it comes to talking about me," Kisa replied, although his stutter made it certain that he wasn't calm yet. He glanced at Yukina's mother "But, umm… I'm thirty, as you may know. I'm a university lecturer…"

"Wow!" Hiroko said in awe, her eyebrows rising. "That's nice!"

Now Kisa was sure that this information was new to her.

"And that's pretty much it…"

"I'm sure it isn't."

Hiroko was smiling at him as if Kisa was just her son as well. He leaned against the wall, his legs and hands were trembling horribly. Should he mention that Yukina was basically his student? Maybe not. Maybe that wasn't the best idea.

But at the same time, Kisa thought that Hiroko had the right to know. Oh, he was so confused. He gulped before he began talking again.

"I- uh, I have no idea what to say, honestly."

"Hmm…" Hiroko tried to think of something to ask him while she was preparing some tea. "Why did you choose teaching?"

As if the whole world was a huge, fragile glass, it shattered around Kisa. Here they were again. He was healing nicely, recovering, he managed to bury his past into the corner of his mind. And yet, a simple question broke the wall between the past and the present. Kisa turned his gaze down. The nervousness he had been feeling made his stomach clench, but now he was literally sick.

Yukina made a weird noise, and now Kisa was sure he understood what was going on.

"Mum, this is-"

"I'd rather not talk about those reasons," Kisa finally replied quietly. "I'm sorry, Yukina-san."

Now Yukina's mother looked a little nervous, and Kisa felt bad for her. But what could have he said? That he had chosen to be a teacher because Yoshida was going to be one, too? And by the time they had broken up, it was too late to turn back and start his studies over?

No, even if he wanted to, he couldn't have brought up the past. Not this part.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause trouble," Hiroko said quickly.

"No, I should be the one apologising!" Now Kisa felt worse because Yukina's mother felt the need to apologise to him for something she didn't know. "I should have talked about myself, but I didn't know what to say, and-"

Hiroko and Yukina chuckled at the same time, and Kisa blushed badly.

"You're quite the anxious type, aren't you?"

He looked at the woman, and then at Yukina. And he smiled. He was, indeed, the anxious type.

* * *

The day turned out to be nice. Whenever Yukina left the kitchen, Hiroko made sure to keep Kisa company. There wasn't any weird or awkward moment, nor any awkward silence. Kisa felt welcomed, and in the end, he managed to have proper conversations with Hiroko. But as the evening came, he got nervous again. For a few hours, he had forgotten that he still hadn't met Yukina's father and older brother. What were they like, he wondered.

Just shortly after dinner, the front door swung open, and Yukina's father walked through it. He was tall, even taller than Yukina, and he was quite thin. But he had the same face as Yukina, and now Kisa understood where he got his face from. His posture, the way he moved, everything was the same. Except his eyes. As he walked into the kitchen, and his gaze had fallen onto Kisa, Kisa noticed that the man's eyes weren't as sparky as Yukina's or his mother's.

"Well, well, good afternoon!" he greeted them with a smile. Kisa jumped up from his seat immediately, and bowed.

"Good afternoon, sir. It's nice to meet you. I'm Kisa Shouta."

"Oh yeah, heard about you," he nodded, his smile remained on his face. "My name's Yukina Koichi. Nice to meet you."

Yukina Koichi seemed distant. He was nothing like Yukina or his mother. And it made Kisa feel slightly anxious, but he assumed fathers are all like him. His father was the same.

"Guess this, Koichi, Kisa-kun is a university lecturer!" Hiroko told him happily.

"I'm amazed," the man said, smiling at Kisa. "At such a young age."

Kisa's cheek felt hot. If Hiroko knew his age, then he was sure Koichi knew it, too. What did he think? What if he wasn't actually okay with it?

"What's your major, kiddo?"

Kiddo? Kisa expected to be called everything in this world, but kiddo. Now it made him wonder how old Yukina's parents might be. Or did Koichi just call him kiddo because he looked that young?

Next to him, Yukina laughed so loud it echoed in the kitchen. And just then, a fifth party walked in. Probably Yukina's brother. Kisa watched the guy with widened eyes. He looked exactly like Yukina. Same hairstyle, same face, everything. In Kisa's opinion, they looked the most alike in the whole family.

"Kou, you're so loud, I wonder why mum even let you into the house."

"Probably because if she didn't, I wouldn't be laughing here right now, and you'd be late to work."

The older son shook his head and rolled his eyes. He poured some coffee, and turned towards Kisa and Yukina now.

"Is he…" he pointed at Kisa, "is he the boyfriend you mentioned?"

Yukina nodded.

"Yeah. Who else would he be?"

Yukina's brother frowned.

"I swear, Kou, you're the biggest liar in the world!"

"Excuse me?"

"You said he was an adult. He looks like a high school student!"

Kisa felt slightly offended, although Yukina's brother was right. He wasn't the first to question if his age was true. He sighed as he pulled his wallet out of his pocket, and handed his driving licence to the guy.

"He didn't lie," Kisa said. And he watched Yukina's brother slowly getting shocked.

"You… you guys are fucking with me…"

"Okay, that's enough, Mikado, you're being rude!" Hiroko snapped. "Not to mention that you didn't even greet Kisa-kun properly!"

Yukina laughed again. Kisa assumed it was kind of normal between them.

"I'm sorry, I'm Yukina Mikado," Mikado introduced himself as he handed Kisa back his driving license. "I'm the older brother of this brat there."

"Hey, who're you calling a brat?" Yukina snapped with a grin.

"You. Aren't you a brat after all?"

Kisa watched the brotherly argument unfold as he smiled, elbowing on the table.

"They're so silly sometimes," Hiroko said softly, talking directly to Kisa, although she was watching the brothers arguing, and gently punching each other's shoulders. "But Mikado actually misses Kou a lot when he's away in Tokyo."

Kisa nodded his head slowly.

"I bet."

"Do you miss your brother, Kisa-kun?"

Kisa thought for a second, then he shrugged.

"I think so. We aren't this close."

In the meantime, Yukina and his brother chased each other to the room downstairs, and Koichi went upstairs to take a shower. It was just Kisa and Hiroko left in the kitchen. They could hear the distant argument of the brothers, and they laughed at them.

"You know…" Hiroko suddenly began, and Kisa turned his gaze at her. "I know you're pretty anxious, Kisa-kun."

Kisa chuckled shyly, and avoided eye contact with Hiroko.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"No, don't be." Now Hiroko gently touched his shoulder. "I get it. Being an adult sure sucks. Being thirty, forty, fifty does, too. Not to mention that you're with the family of your boyfriend who's nine years younger than you."

Kisa watched her face. She was smiling, but she wasn't that sparkly anymore. Rather, she seemed worried or uneasy.

"But you know, Kisa-kun," she continued, "I'm just happy that my son has finally found someone he feels happy with. You see, he had some girlfriends, but because he's kind hearted and good-looking, some of those girlfriends assumed he would cheat on them. And some of them cheated on him."

"Oh…"

"And then, when this semester began, he phoned me happily. 'Mum, I think I like someone.' So, I went, 'who is it, Kou?'. He just replied, 'I can't tell you yet'. I guess he didn't want to be hasty about it. And just a week ago, right after his piano contest, he called to tell me that he didn't win." Hiroko leaned back on the chair, taking a deep breath, then turning her gaze to Kisa. "He called, and said, 'Mum, I didn't win the contest. But I've won something else.' And that's when he told me about you."

Kisa couldn't help but grin like a little kid. Yukina was a brat – just like his brother said. A silly, clumsy, intelligent, and kind hearted little brat. And Kisa felt extremely happy that he had given Yukina a chance. That he didn't wait any longer.

A few second had passed before Hiroko continued.

"You were that person he was talking about months ago. And here you guys are. Together. And he's so happy, and I want him to be happy. Whoever he chooses is welcome in the family as long as he says he's okay. I honestly don't care that you're thirty years old."

"You don't?" Kisa seemed to ease up, and he smiled softly at the woman. "I'm kind of relieved."

"Well, to be completely honest with you, I was quite scared at first. I thought he was joking. But he assured me that he wasn't, that he was deadly serious about this whole relationship. And he's an adult, so I'm in no position to judge, am I?"

Kisa felt extremely, unspeakably glad that it almost made him cry. Suddenly, his shoulder didn't feel that stiff anymore, and the anxiety that had been surrounding him for the past couple of days seemed to fade slowly. He wanted to tell Hiroko how grateful he was for hearing these things. He wanted to tell her that he's going to take care of Yukina, because unlike his exes, he truly loved him. He won't ever assume that Yukina would cheat on him because he believed in him. If he hadn't believed in Yukina, they wouldn't have been together.

He had to believe in him because he wanted to. Yukina said he could make him forget. It wasn't exactly a promise, but he never broke his words. Because the more time Kisa had spent with Yukina, the less he had thought about Yoshida. His mind began to clear up, and the past was slowly taken over by the present and the future.

Finally, Kou and Mikado came back to the kitchen. Kisa had almost forgotten that they were just a room away from him and Hiroko. Yukina glanced at Kisa as Mikado headed towards the stairs.

"Shall we go upstairs, too?" he asked. "I'll show you my room. Is it even the way I left it, mum?"

Hiroko nodded with a soft laugh.

"Who would have touched it?"

"Mikado?"

"Come on, Kou, nobody had entered your room ever since you had last visited, okay?" Now Hiroko stood up, and hugged Yukina, planting a soft kiss on his forehead. "Goodnight, Kou. Goodnight, Kisa-kun. And Merry Christmas, boys!"

* * *

Yukina showed his room to Kisa. It wasn't much bigger than the room in his apartment in Tokyo. But it sure was a lot cosier. He had some posters on the wall, an almost empty table in the corner, and a double bed in the other. The walls were light blue.

"It seems that mum had put on some fresh bedding," Yukina said as he fell into bed. "The other bathroom is occupied, so wanna go first?"

Kisa nodded.

"Yeah, I'll go then."

He opened his bag to get his pyjamas, then left to the bathroom. He locked the door, and when he took off all his clothes, he stood in the shower, letting the hot water pour over him. It felt like heaven after a long day like this. For five minutes straight, he was just standing there with his eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the water. Then he reached for a bottle of shower gel. As he opened it, the smell of it reminded him of how Yukina usually smelled. He loved this smell. And wearing it on himself surely felt strange, but he still went with it.

After shower, he walked back to Yukina's room, feeling a little bit better, but also feeling extremely exhausted.  
"'I'm done, you can go," Kisa said as he sat down onto the edge of the bed.

"Don't wanna," Yukina mumbled.

"Go," Kisa rolled his eyes. "Or else, I'll make you."

Now Yukina chuckled, and sat up slowly, then leaned against Kisa's chest. Kisa was certain that this pose was super uncomfortable.

"Oh yeah? And what can you do?" he asked in a challenging tone.

Kisa grunted.

"I'll fall asleep quickly, so you can't even touch me."

"You're so cruel!" Yukina gently poked Kisa's shoulder, and Kisa laughed at the face he made. "Okay, I'll go."

He grabbed a t-shirt for pyjama, and left the room. Kisa was all alone. He didn't bother with turning the lights on, he just laid down, and pulled the blanket on himself. The bedding smelled so nice that it made him feel sleepier. But he didn't want to sleep just yet. Not after he most likely got Yukina turned on.

He sighed into one of the pillows. He should be more careful of what he was saying. Yukina didn't take long in the bathroom, and when he got back, he literally jumped on Kisa, and Kisa almost shrieked.

"I'm back. So can we do it?"

And Kisa smiled.

"We can."

And they did it. Although they were both exhausted to death.

After making love, they had fallen asleep instantly. Yukina was curled up next to Kisa, his hand resting on Kisa's chest.

It was sure a crazy day.

* * *

 **A/N:**

Hello there!

Chapter 8, here we come. I think this one was the most fun to write so far. I mean, it's just full of love and excitement, and cheerfulness. And also Christmas theme :'3

Thank you all for commenting, reading, following and favouriting. :) It sure makes me go on and on with this story.^^ To answer Shiranai Atsune's question, Yoshida is a whole lot of mystery ;) I wouldn't reveal anything about him yet. Will you guys see him? Maybe. Will he never appear? God knows. Stick with me to find out I guess. :D

Thanks for everything again, and don't forget to comment if you've read this chapter. I always love to hear from you.

 _Ricchan_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 - Forgetting II**

The next day was going to be just as long as the previous was. Kisa and Yukina had only spent one day at Yukina's parents, and in the evening of the next day, they flew back to Tokyo. This time, not as early in the morning, so when they got back, they weren't as tired.

On the metro, they leaned against each other's shoulders as they got some rest. As it was Christmas, the whole city was busy and crowded with people.

It had snowed in Tokyo, and it was freezing. Some public transport had stopped working thanks to the snow storm that had hit the city last night. As Kisa and Yukina were walking down the sidewalk, Yukina kept sneezing and sniffing.

"Told you to dress up properly, didn't I?" Kisa sighed.

"I did dress up properly," Yukina rubbed his nose. "It's not my fault that it's been so chilly. It's winter after all."

Kisa rolled his eyes and grunted.

"It is winter, but you still gotta take care of yourself."

As they turned to the right at the corner of the street, they nearly bumped into a couple. Kisa quickly took a step back, but Yukina walked straight into them. The guy cursed for a second before he glanced at Yukina and Kisa.

"Kou! Professor?"

And now Kisa recognised the guy. It was one of Yukina's classmates. And the girl was probably his girlfriend.

"Ah, haven't seen you in the past few weeks," Yukina grinned at his friend.

"Yeah, I…" The guy shot a glance at Kisa, and smiled mischievously. "I…"

"Skipped school, didn't you?"

He laughed, and Kisa rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well… pretty much."

With a sigh, Kisa took a step forward, leaving the others behind. He was walking home with Yukina. He couldn't let someone, who was also his student, see them this close.

"Anyway, where have you been, Kou? I thought you'd spend Christmas with your family."

"I did spend it with them!" Yukina replied.

The couple laughed.

"It seemed like you had spent it with the prof."

Kisa blushed, and Yukina stopped laughing. Kisa turned around, and tried to make the most casual and surprised face he could.

"We just happened to run into each other," he said, and the guy – whose name he still couldn't remember – laughed.

"Damn, teachers sure can't take jokes. No offence though, Kisa-sensei."

Kisa grunted, and began walking again, and he could hear Yukina's quite nervous laughter in the background.

"Seriously, Daichi, I was in Hokkaido, I just got back now."

Kisa was a few corners ahead when Yukina reached him some time later. His face was flustered, he was probably running.

"I'm sorry, Kisa-san, he's a little… rude."

"I don't care, I'm a teacher, I signed up for this," Kisa mumbled.

Yukina smiled, and soon, they reached Kisa's apartment. As soon as they set their feet into the living room, Kisa dropped his bag onto the floor, and collapsed onto the couch. Yukina did the same, and somehow, they managed to lie next to each other on that not too big couch.

"Okay, meeting Daichi on the street sure was crazy and unexpected."

"Tell me about it," Kisa murmured

They turned their gazes at each other. And they burst out laughing. Quiet, exhausted laugh filled the gloomy living room, just a part of it was painted dark orange by the setting sun. They interlaced their fingers, and just kept on laughing until the point where they had no idea why they were even laughing.

It was just a nice feeling to be like this. To laugh, to love, even though their relationship was still risky. It was probably the feeling that had been missing from Kisa's life, the feeling that he hadn't had for a long time. Having someone by your side. Having someone to love, to laugh with, someone who holds you after a long day.

When they stopped laughing, Kisa curled up next to Yukina, and wrapped his arm around him. Yukina planted a kiss on the top of his head.

They were okay. Things were okay.

* * *

It was new year soon. Kisa was sitting on his couch, alone after he spent the whole week with Yukina. The apartment felt awfully silent now that it was only him in it. He missed Yukina a lot when he wasn't around, and it hadn't even been a month that they became a couple.

Kisa's mind was all around new year. He wanted to spend it with Yukina, but Yukina said something about going out with his friends. And he didn't really want to go to the festivals alone. The only thing that came to his mind was that he could go to the shrines. He could pray for good luck for the new year, _for a better year_.

A year that he got to spend with someone he loved.

Also, he had spent the rest of the winter break with looking for new jobs. He had filled several application forms, he had sent his resume to a few places already. But as it was winter break, none of those schools and universities had replied yet. And Kisa could only hope that one of them would.

When he went to bed, he noticed that his blanket smelled like Yukina. Kisa couldn't help but cuddle that blanket.

"Oh, god," he whispered to the empty room. He loved that kid so much that he couldn't even put his feelings into words. He was head-over-heels in love with Yukina.

Although he had no idea how a twenty-one-year-old kid made him feel like this. Well, it was probably his charming persona, his childish clumsiness, and the fact that he was beautiful. Not just his face, but everything about him. And Kisa loved every little part of him.

As his mind was all around Yukina again, he slowly fell asleep without even changing to his pyjamas.

On the last day of December, Kisa went to the shrines. Wherever he went, it was crowded, full of people that enjoyed the festivals. Even though it was freezing out there, everyone was waiting together for the new year.

Kisa watched the sunset as he was waiting in line to get to one of the shrines. Everything felt so… strange. He had this feeling that something new was about to start. Or maybe his life was about to restart. He had no idea.

When the person in front of him left, he took a step to the shrine, threw a coin in there, clapped his hands, and prayed. He closed his eyes, and imagined himself with Yukina together, happily. That's what he wished for.

When he left the shrine, the sun had disappeared, and it was replaced by the shiny stars on the dark sky. Kisa inhaled the cold air, his stomach was slightly clenched. He really wanted the next year to be better. For him. For them.

He took a step, but someone grabbed his arm. He turned around, and he looked straight at Yukina's face. The brunet was smiling at him, and it was such a happy smile that it melted Kisa's heart. It suddenly didn't feel so cold anymore.

"Yukina…?"

"Kisa-san, I didn't think I'd run into you here!"

Kisa looked around. No one seemed to bother looking at them.

"Where are your friends?" Kisa asked slowly. What if they see them?

"Ah, they went home. They'll come back 'round, though," Yukina shrugged, his smile never disappeared. "What about you, Kisa-san? Do you visit the shrine every year?"

"Not every year," Kisa replied as he walked along with Yukina towards a bench. "In fact, it's been quite a few years that I've visited one."

"How come?"

Yukina was such a curious kid, and Kisa had no idea what to tell him. Even he didn't know why he hadn't visited the shrines for a while.

"I just couldn't be bothered, I guess."

"I visit them every year," Yukina said as they took a seat. It was so dark that the only thing they could see was the distant lights of the festival. "I always wish for something. I always have something to wish for."

Kisa smiled at him. He used to be the same when he was Yukina's age.

"I guess I didn't really have anything to wish for until now."

"Hmm…" Yukina crossed his legs, and elbowed on them. "But there's always something to wish for."

Kisa chuckled, and rolled his eyes.  
"Like what?"

"Let's see… Good grades, a nice year in general. Girls."

That made Kisa laugh. As if he would have ever wished for a girlfriend.

"I had good grades in school, so I never had to wish for them," he shrugged. Yukina chuckled.

"I wished for those good grades last year. And the year before, I wished for my friend to get back from his trip to Kyoto safe. That was the first time he went alone…"

And Yukina kept on listing what he had wished for in his whole life so far. And Kisa listened. It was so nice to hear his voice – that energetic voice filled with enthusiasm. He thought about what he had wished for when he was younger. He didn't really remember, though. None of those wishes mattered anymore.

Especially not the ones he had made when he was the same age as Yukina…

"So, what did you wish for this time?" he asked once Yukina finished talking.

"It's a top secret, Kisa-san."

Yukina even put his index finger to his mouth, and although it was dark, Kisa could see that he winked.

"Got ya, got ya."

Soon, they were walking amongst people, checking out the festival. It was loud, but Kisa didn't mind, as long as they were together. He didn't even think about the risks anymore. At that very moment, nothing mattered. Just the two of them.

They had bought some sweets, and at one point Yukina suggested that they could check out the fireworks, too. Kisa agreed. Of course, he agreed! It had been so long that he enjoyed this time of the year. And he was extremely happy to finally have someone who he could spend it with.

"I love the fireworks," Yukina said. "I've always loved them. What about you?"

Kisa smiled.

"They're not bad."

Yukina literally shrieked, and stopped walking.

"What? What did you say? Are you serious? What do you mean 'not bad'?"

Kisa laughed so loud that it echoed, and some people turned to see who's laughing so loud.

"I was never really into it. Or maybe I should say that I wasn't really bothered to see the fireworks every year."

"Oh." Yukina grinned as he caught up to Kisa. "Well, I've wanted to watch them with you. I'm glad you agreed."

Kisa nodded, his face was slightly flustered. Ever since they had visited Yukina's parents, Kisa knew that Yukina had been into him for a while – longer than he had thought. But still, it made him happy, excited, even, that this silly young boy loved his so much and wanted to see the fireworks with him.

"It's going to be a good last day of the year, I suppose."

They walked around, looking for a spot away from the huge crowd, where no one could see them. They launched the fireworks soon. Yukina and Kisa found a small hill not too far from the shrines and the festival, and they sat down. The snow had melted days ago, and although it was still cold, they could sit on the grass.

"Seems like a nice view," Yukina commented as he turned his gaze towards the night sky.

"Hopefully."

Silence. It was the kind of silence that none of them minded. They were patiently waiting, and Yukina now grabbed Kisa's hand gently, interlacing their fingers. Kisa looked at him, but the brunet kept on gazing at the sky. He looked excited.

Just a few minutes later, they had finally launched the firework, and Yukina gasped as the first one reached the sky and exploded.

It was incredibly beautiful.

Shortly, colourful fireworks had filled the dark sky, and everything around them was suddenly lighten up by them. But Kisa wasn't watching them.

He was staring at Yukina's face. He looked like a little kid who was just seeing fireworks for the first time in his life. He was smiling, his eyes sparkling, and Kisa's heart was racing crazily in his chest. That happy look on Yukina's face… he wanted to see that every day in the new year. No, not just every day – every minute, every second. And he could give anything for that.

The fireworks didn't last for more than ten minutes. It was dark again. And Kisa just noticed it now. Yukina was holding his hand so tight the whole time that it went pale white. It was even aching a little, but it didn't matter.

"Yukina…"

"Yes?"

Kisa gulped. Ever since the piano contest, it was the first time he had tried to say it. The first time that he had tried to express his feelings towards Yukina. But all he could do was biting his lip, and closing his eyes tight in his embarrassment.

"Kisa-san?"

Kisa drew a deep breath. And then he looked Yukina in the eyes.

"Yukina… I love you. I love you so much that I can't even put it into words. And I really hope that I get to spend the next year with you."

Yukina seemed so surprised as if he had just seen a ghost. But then he laughed, and hugged Kisa close. Kisa hugged him back, inhaling the scent of him that he had been missing for the past few days.

"Kisa-san, I'm… I'm happy to hear you saying this." Now Yukina gently pushed Kisa away so he could look him in the eyes. "I feel the same about you. I love you a lot, and I hope we can stay together for a long, long time."

* * *

Exactly at midnight, they rang the bells. The bells of the new years eve. Another year was officially over, and a new was about to begin. Yukina and Kisa were walking back home slowly. Kisa considered it good luck that they didn't run into anyone on their way home.

As soon as they got home, they collapsed onto the couch, and resting on the top of each other shortly turned into a hot make-out. Yukina's lips tasted just as good as always, and Kisa wanted more and more of it. He wanted this boy forever.

It wasn't exactly comfortable to do it on that small couch. But none of them seemed to be bothered to move into the bedroom or something. They had their first of the year, and after they had finished, they were lying on the couch, still in a pretty uncomfortable pose. They were both panting and sweating.

"Kisa-san…?"

"What?"

Yukina planted a small kiss on Kisa's neck.

"Wanna stay up and watch the first sunrise?"

Kisa nodded. And it was settled.

For the rest of the night, they cuddled up on the couch with a blanket and some food, watching weird movies on TV. Most of them were boring, but Kisa didn't mind. Yukina seemed to be entertained, and that was all that mattered to him. He wasn't even paying attention to the TV, really. He wasn't thinking. He was just staring into space, enjoying the cosiness, and the warmth of Yukina. These little things were all he needed.

For a couple of hours, Yukina had fallen asleep, but a sudden, loud commercial woke him up. Kisa almost laughed at the scared face he made. But instead, he just leaned closer, and kissed him gently, softly.

This very day was the best day of his life. He felt like something new had started. That it was a great chance to be happy again.

Yukina leaned against his shoulder as he turned his gaze at the TV screen again. But judging by that sleepy expression on his face, Kisa was sure he wasn't really watching it.

"You struggling to stay awake?"

Yukina yawned, and rubbed his eyes.

"No, I'm good…"

"We don't have to stay up all night, Yukina."

Now Yukina gazed up at Kisa, and he seriously looked offended. It nearly scared Kisa.

"I want to stay up. And I'm not gonna argue. I wanna see the first sunrise of the year with you. I have never got the chance to watch it with someone I love. I gotta grab the chance."

Even if Kisa had wanted to argue with him, he wouldn't have done so. What he heard was enough for a reason, and Kisa didn't bring it up again. Instead, he was trying to find a way to entertain Yukina, and help him stay awake. But there was nothing interesting on TV, and Kisa was quite tired himself. All he could do was holding Yukina close, stroking his arm gently, and planting kisses on the top of his head.

"Kisa-san…"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for spending the past few hours with me," Yukina whispered sleepily. "I'm seriously, utterly happy."

Kisa felt the same. Although his confession after the fireworks exhausted him. He felt like he wasn't able to do it again for a while. Though it would have been nice if he could express his feelings as freely as Yukina did.

Being thirty sucks, he thought.

Instead, he hugged Yukina tightly. They were so close that Yukina could probably hear his heartbeat.

A couple of hours later, the sun began rising, and they turned towards the window, both of them with a smile on their faces. They watched as the first beams of the sun painted the sky lilac and orange, and the darkness of the sky slowly turned into bright blue. With the sunrise, the city began to come more and more alive. Car engines had started up in the distance, people's quiet chatters filtered through the closed window.

The first morning of the new year.

Kisa turned towards Yukina. He was still staring at the bright sky, and Kisa just watched his face. And his eyes suddenly were filled with tears.

He wanted Yukina to stay with him forever. He wanted him to promise that.

Was it even possible?

Could they be together forever?

* * *

"Are you… serious?"

Yokozawa's face told everything – he could hardly moderate himself, and Kisa was sure that the vice dean would be swearing around if he could. It was the first day of the new semester, and Yokozawa was holding Kisa's resignation letter, his face was tomato red from anger. Behind him, Miyagi tried to calm him down, but it was no use. As Kisa predicted, Yokozawa was beyond furious.

"I am serious."

"Kisa… We need lecturers like you," Yokozawa stormed. "I'm certain that we can't find someone as qualified as you are in your two weeks of notice."

Kisa stood Yokozawa's glance. He knew that they would be screwed without him, but he wanted out so he could protect his relationship with Yukina. That was all that mattered. And if that meant that he needed to roundhouse kick his career in the face, then he was willing to do so. With the experience he had, he was somehow certain that a school would hire him anytime soon.

"Yokozawa…" Miyagi spoke in the background, lighting up a cigarette. "I know you're angry-"

"Angry? Miyagi-sensei, I'm goddamn furious!"

"Yes, I know, but if he wants to leave, he has every right to do so," Miyagi sighed. "Just because we can't find a substitution doesn't mean we can stop Kisa-sensei from quitting."

Yokozawa shot a gaze at Miyagi, and then at Kisa.

"I'm not going to say it's fine," he grunted painfully as he left the office.

Shortly after that, Kisa left, too. He just needed to survive two more weeks, and he could only hope that there wouldn't be any troubles. Yukimura-sensei was back now, so he wouldn't see Yukina in school as much as he did while Yukimura-sensei was absent.

On his way back from his first class, however, Takano walked up to him.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked, and Kisa nodded as he followed him to Takano's own office.

"Everything okay?"

Takano closed the door behind them, and sighed.

"What made you quit all of a sudden?"

As Kisa glanced at his face, he could tell Takano was slightly worried and puzzled. Kisa bit his lips. He wasn't sure he could tell Takano about him and Yukina.

"It's something personal," he replied. "A reason that… made me realise that I can't stay here."

"Is it the reason that made you come to me for help?"

Kisa shook his head. Speaking of Takano's help, did he even need it anymore?

"It's not. It's something else…"

For his biggest surprise, Takano smiled softly, and crossed his arms.

"Is this that new person you were talking about on your sessions?"

Kisa blushed slightly, and he couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"It is. But I can't say more about it. Sorry, Takano-san."

"It's alright," Takano nodded. "I'm just glad you're getting better, and I wish the best of luck for you."

"I'll be there for a last session next week, though," Kisa said. "Just so, you know…"

"So we can make sure you're honestly better?" Takano chortled softly. "Sure thing."

It was nearly dark when Kisa left the building. He looked back one more time, and smiled a little. Just two more weeks, and he could be free. _They could be free._

At the bus stop, his phone rang. It was Yukina calling.

"Yeah?"

"Kisa-san, where are you?"

"On my way home. Why?"

"Do you wanna come over?"

Kisa broke out into a huge, happy grin. He left the bus stop, walking towards Yukina's place.

Everything was okay.

Everything seemed to turn out just fine.

* * *

A/N: Hey there! I know, it took me a while to update, but due to lack of motivation, I just wanted to rest this story for a little bit. But now it's back! I hope y'all are enjoying the story so far. If you're reading my story, then thank you, it means everything! :)

 _Ricchan_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 – Fade

 _(A State Between the Old and the New)_

"It seems like you're almost completely fine," Takano smiled. "I personally think you don't need any more sessions, Kisa-san."

Kisa sighed in relief. It had been a month that he started having these sessions with Takano. The psychologist was a major help in improving Kisa's mental health, but it was a fact that Yukina was a big part of it, too. Although he couldn't help Kisa to get over his past, their love for each other was like a magical cure for the mess that had been in Kisa's head for a very long time.

"Thank you very much for everything," Kisa bowed in front of Takano. "I can't put into words just how grateful I am."

Takano drew a deep breath. He seemed truly happy.

"I'm glad I could help you. And I wish you the best."

Kisa waved a bye, and left the office, walking down in the deserted corridor. It was the end of the day, and since almost everyone had left the building already, Takano decided to hold the last talking session in his school office. And hearing that, in his opinion, Kisa was doing fine, was a huge relief.

But still, there was a huge problem – Kisa's notice wasn't over yet. In fact, he had one and a half weeks to go, and the last few days were literal nightmares. Whenever he ran into Yukina, or Yukina ran into him, they both got awkward and flustered. Honestly, Kisa was surprised that no one had found out about them already.

Well, that was for the best.

Anyway, he had absolutely no idea how to survive the following days. He was scared to death that before he could leave, people would find out about him dating his own student. Things had been going great, no, perfectly fine in the last several weeks, and Kisa didn't want it all to be destroyed. He couldn't do anything but be extremely careful, and be as casual around Yukina as he could. Although he wasn't the biggest actor after all…

Also, Kisa had spent every night with job searching. He had no idea if he was going to be successful or not. All he knew is that he had this feeling that he was going to be fine.

* * *

A pain in the neck – that was how Kisa could have described the following one and a half weeks. Yokozawa kept trying to talk to him about his resignation, and for the hundredth time, Kisa told him that he was certain about it. Miyagi only told him that he would miss him once he was gone, and the rest of his colleagues agreed. Takano was the only one who didn't bother Kisa with things like this. It seemed that he was the only one who fully acknowledged that he would be gone shortly.

As for Yukina, well, he seemed to bump into Kisa more than usual. And Kisa seemed to be the same. At every corner, in nearly every classroom, almost everywhere in that damn building. At one point, one of Yukina's friends tried to make a bad joke about them running into each other unusually often, but Kisa's death stare made him go quiet in a millisecond.

Two days before his notice ended, Kisa was sitting in his living room, his eyes red and aching from staring at the screen of his laptop for hours straight. With fingers crossed, he was waiting for replies from employers. Just as he was slowly falling asleep with the TV on in the background, his phone buzzed. It scared him, and he needed a second before picking up.

"Hello?"

And it had finally happened. One of the schools called him back. It was a soft female voice on the other end of the phone. Kisa's stomach clenched. The woman told him that she reviewed his application, and that she will be waiting to see him on an interview in a week. Kisa felt so happy he nearly cried when the woman hung up the phone.

He leaned back on the couch, softly chuckling from happiness and relief. He did it. He resigned, and he had an interview at a new place due.

He felt glad and grateful, and at this point, he was certain that he was on the right path. As he closed his eyes, he couldn't help but cry in happiness. After ten damned years, it was time for him to finally be blessed.

Kisa took a shaky breath as he wiped the corner of his eyes. He grabbed his phone, and dialled Yukina's number to tell him the good news. It rang for only a few second, and Yukina picked up the phone immediately.

"Kisa-san?"

"I just got a call from NN High School. I'll attend an interview next week."

Yukina gasped on the other end.

"My god, it's awesome! Congratulation!"

"Thanks. It should be okay…"

Yukina went silent for a few seconds, and Kisa just realised that he had said that last sentence out loud. He didn't mean to. He covered his mouth with his free hand.

"Huh? What should be okay?"

"Nah, don't mind me. I'm kinda tired, I'm capable of saying weird things," Kisa let out and embarrassed laughter. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you the big news."

"Thank you! I'm glad you did."

Kisa's mouth curved into a small smile.

"Well, you're my boyfriend after all."

The next day was somewhat easier now that there was an interview Kisa could look forward. It still didn't help the fact that whenever he ran into Yukina in school, the brunet would look at him like he was God himself.

The closer the last day was, the more Kisa had realised he would miss this school. Or maybe he was just so used to this environment that subconsciously, he was kind of scared of change. He looked at the familiar faces, and he thought about the restart. Getting to know everyone, getting along with everyone – and this time, in a high school.

Kisa sighed when he left that evening. Yukina had to study hard these days as he had tests coming up. And that reminded Kisa when he was correcting his tests, and how he wouldn't do that anymore. It made him feel a little sad, even though he knew that leaving this university was for the better. For the sake of them.

All he could think of was the upcoming interview. It made him nervous, but also a little excited. Although the thought of a new workplace was somewhat scary, it was also exciting. He let out a long breath.

What a long journey the last two months felt… Getting into this risky, adventurous relationship with Yukina; getting better with the help of Takano; meeting Yukina's parents… Forgetting. Healing.

Kisa smiled as he hopped on the bus, and just after him, Yukina hopped on. Kisa turned around quite surprised.

"Shouldn't you be home?"

Yukina nodded with a smile.

"Yeah, I was heading to yours as I need some help with my studies."

Kisa shook his head with a smirk.

"You're so silly…"

"Now why?"

"Just because I said so."

They took a seat somewhere in the middle of the bus. Yukina kept asking why Kisa said he was silly, and Kisa kept laughing at him softly. Yukina did the same. And then, for a long moment, they went silent, and just kept staring at each other. But then…

"How come I always run into you?"

Kisa turned towards the soft female voice, just to see the old woman. He smiled at her, and she smiled back. Yukina looked a little puzzled, but greeted the old lady formally.

"Is this a friend of yours?" she asked Kisa.

"Umm… not quite…" Kisa chuckled. He got a slightly bit embarrassed. "And yeah, we keep bumping into each other quite often."

From the very first time Kisa had seen this lady, he felt like he knew her. But he couldn't figure who she was. And now it was, like, the fourth time he had run into her in a pretty short time. His thought started running wild in his head, but he stopped them. Maybe the lady was familiar because she looked like the mother of an old friend of his.

No, that wasn't the case. None of his old friends had died, as far as he was concerned. But still, this lady could look like someone else he knew.

Or maybe he was just overthinking. He was always overthinking every single thing.

"You know, my dear, I've been wondering why I keep running into you," she chuckled softly, and Kisa raised his eyebrows.

"Hmm… I don't know, to be completely honest," he replied. "We always take the same bus, the same route, so we must be living in the same district."

"No, I get off later than you. And as far as I know, the stop after yours is already a different district."

Kisa nodded.

"Well, we're still taking the same route, so that should be it."

"And what about you, darling?" the old lady now turned her gaze towards Yukina. "How old are you? You look young, yet you look older than the gentleman next to you."

Kisa blushed a little. Yukina laughed.

"I'm twenty-one, ma'am."

"Oh, you're going to university! That's nice." Now she turned back to Kisa. "Didn't you say you were lecturing at a university? Could it be that you're lecturing at the same university this young gentleman is going to?"

They both nodded.

"I see," the old lady smiled. She didn't ask more, and honestly, Kisa was grateful for that. He didn't want to go into details about why he was so close with a student.

Soon, they got off the bus, and Yukina turned towards Kisa.

"Did you know her?"

Kisa shook his head.

"As you could hear, we just keep bumping into each other. I wonder why, though."

Yukina seemed to get lost in his thoughts for a moment, but then, he just shrugged.

"It's normal, I guess."

When they got to Kisa's apartment, the first thing Yukina did was kissing Kisa. For a second, Kisa wanted to pull away and ask him what he was thinking, but then he just kissed Yukina back. It had been a week or so since they had last seen each other.

"I missed you," Yukina whispered against Kisa's lips.

"I missed you, too… But you have to study. You have tests coming up, don't you?"

"Hmm…"

Yukina put his backpack on the floor, and took a seat on the couch. It was almost like he was at home. Kisa was quite happy that Yukina felt this comfortable at his place.

Kisa handed him a bottle of water as they started studying. It wasn't like Yukina needed too much help, but somehow, Kisa was glad he asked for it. Even though all he did was kneeling on the floor at the small coffee table, across from Yukina, and just watched him study.

"Kisa-san…?"

"Yeah?"

Yukina stretched and yawned before he spoke.

"I keep thinking that I might not be able to hold a conversation in English, so…"

Kisa grunted.

"Are you a moron or something? Your English is decent."

"Yeah, my written English is decent, I can tell that," Yukina sighed loudly. "But I'm not sure I could talk to someone if I had to."

"I'm pretty sure you could."

"Can I try having a conversation with you, Kisa-san?"

Kisa had no idea what to say. He expected a lot of things – complaints, doubt, whining –, but he sure didn't expect Yukina asking him to talk to him in English. Kisa rubbed his forehead with a sigh.

"Okay. Is there a specific topic you wanna talk about?"

Yukina thought for a moment.

"Actually, I'd like to ask you a few questions, since there's a lot of things I don't know about you."

"Sure," Kisa nodded, although he wasn't very sure how the whole thing would turn out. "Go ahead, then."

And Yukina did. He started the conversation, and the first thing he asked when Kisa's birthday was. Then he asked about what Kisa was like in high-school, how he found out he was attracted to men, and he went on and on asking questions. Kisa kept on answering all of them, and as he expected, Yukina's spoken English wasn't as bad as Yukina thought it was.

And Kisa couldn't help, but notice that although Yukina had asked a lot of questions about his teenage years, he hadn't asked anything about what he was like in university. Kisa knew it was on purpose – he wasn't a dumb kid at all, and he knew that the painful events in Kisa's past all happened during those years.

Kisa smiled. He was grateful.

"Did I do great?" Yukina asked excitedly.

"Of course you did." Now Kisa stood up, and ruffled Yukina's hair. "Wanna have some dinner?"

With sparkly eyes, Yukina nodded. He didn't have much – he didn't expect Yukina to spend the evening at his apartment.

"Kisa-san, are you even eating properly?"

"Huh?"

"There's almost nothing in your fridge," Yukina pointed out. And Kisa knew he was right.

"Yeah, right, well, I didn't really have time for shopping is all."

Yukina sighed so loud as if he was Kisa's parent or guidance. Kisa found it a little absurd, but it was also embarrassing that a kid nine years his junior had to be worried about him, and not the other way around.

"Okay, let's go to grab some-"

Before Yukina could finish, Kisa grabbed his arm.

"I'm tired, so what if we just order a pizza instead?"

Yukina threw a huge, perfect grin.

"Yay! Date night!"

They stopped studying, and instead, Kisa turned on the TV. Yukina said that there was quiet a few good films airing that night, so they could watch them while eating pizza. And that's exactly what they did.

After taking a shower, they cuddled up on the couch with a blanket and two boxes of pizza. Kisa had no idea about what films would be on TV, but as longs as he was with Yukina, he didn't mind. Staring at the screen of his TV made him sleepier anyway, and soon, as he leaned against Yukina's shoulder, he had slowly fallen asleep.

* * *

Kisa was woken up by his aching back. He sat up on the couch and rubbed his eyes. The lights were still on in the living room, but Yukina wasn't next to him. Kisa looked around, and he noticed that the light were on in his bedroom, and shortly, Yukina appeared at the door.

"Oh, you're up. Sorry, did I wake you up?"

"No, my back did," Kisa stretched. "I think I slept kinda funny."

Yukina smiled.

"I got your bed ready, and honestly, I was gonna carry you into bed."

They both blushed. Kisa imagined Yukina carrying him into his bedroom, and it was like a weird scene from a Disney movie.

"Well, I'm up, so you don't have to," he replied. "Let's go to bed."

Kisa headed to the bedroom, and Yukina followed him, turning the lights off in the living room. He turned to take a look, and Kisa glanced at him. Did he see fear in Yukina's eyes?

He pulled the blanket on him and cuddled one of his pillows.

"Kisa-san, what if there's something out there?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like… a ghost."

Kisa grunted so loud that for a second, he was quite sure the neighbours could hear him, too.

"Go to sleep, moron."

Yukina chuckled.

"I'm just kidding, the ghost is in your bedroom now."

"Are you trying to be spooky?"

A second of silence. Yukina giggled next to him.

"I'm sorry."

Kisa shook his head, but he couldn't hold back a smile at his cute silliness. Yukina was such a moron after all. Kisa pulled closer to him, and wrapped his arm around the brunet.

Such a silly thing.

Ghosts.

He was thirty years old, he didn't believe in such things.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Hey there. I'm not quite sure who's following the story, but I'm sorry for taking too long. In my** **defence** **, I have a couple of chapters written, I just have to re-read them before uploading. And I hope I can finish the story before NaNoWriMo.**

 **Thanks for supporting my story in any form^^**

 _ **Ricchan**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 – Changes**

The last day went by quickly. Kisa honestly expected his last day at Mitsuhashi University to be slow and awful, but it really wasn't. His students said goodbye to him one by one, most of them even told him that he was the coolest lecturer and he shouldn't leave.

But they didn't know. They had no idea about why he was leaving.

In the office, Professor Yukimura gave Kisa a little gift, saying how much she would miss Kisa. Yokozawa wasn't furious anymore. Rather, he looked kind of sad, and Kisa had never seen him like that.

"Make sure you take care of yourself," he said.

"I will."

"You did a damn good job here, professor," Miyagi added.

Kisa bowed in front of him, and then in front of Yokozawa as well.

"Thank you for everything. I'll leave now. Take care of yourselves."

He grabbed his briefcase, and left the office. He was walking in that corridor for the last time. He walked past those student for the last time. And as he left the building, he turned around to take one last glance. He sighed, and headed to the bus stop. Why were changes so hard?

* * *

Until the interview, Kisa spent his days nervously pacing in his living room. The last time he was so nervous about an interview, it was back when he applied for the lecturer role at Mitsuhashi. And that was years ago. When Yukina was around, he would hold him until he was calm again, but he couldn't be at his place very often lately.

He tried to tell himself that it would be alright since he had a lot of experience in this field, and it would calm him for an hour or so. But then, anxiety would crawl back into his chest. No matter how he looked at it, it was a new place with new people, and it made him a tiny bit scared. But Yukina told him that he will be alright. And he even sent him messages every day about what a great teacher he is, and he's going to be super great at the interview.

And then the day had finally come, and there Kisa was, standing in front of NN High School in suits. This morning, Yukina called him to wish him good luck, and just for the sake of that, Kisa knew he needed to get this job. Also, Yukina was dying to see him in suits, but Kisa obviously refused to send him a picture. It was way too embarrassing.

He entered the school, and told the receptionist who he was and why he was there. She was a very young lady, maybe Kisa's age. She smiled, and led him to the office where the interview was held. There was only two people – probably the dean and the vice dean. And Kisa assumed the dean was the older one. He was also tall and strict looking, but once he smiled at Kisa, he didn't seem that bad anymore. The vice dean was a middle-aged, short woman.

"Good morning," Kisa greeted them, and bowed.

"Good morning," they greeted him back with a smile.

And the interview started. They asked Kisa about his studies, what university he went to. Then they asked him about his previous experience, and some routine questions. Kisa answered them to the best of his knowledge, and he just hoped that they wouldn't notices his anxiety. He smiled at them, and tried to make the best first impression he could. The vice dean was smiling back at him all along, as if she could tell that Kisa was scared and tried to let him know that it was all okay. However, the dean looked serious, and didn't smile once during the interview.

Despise his fear, Kisa was almost certain that he did good. And the way the vice dean talked to him, the way she smiled was kind of promising, too. He had hopes, he had this positive feeling inside of him.

Before he left, the dean put his hand on Kisa's shoulder, and smiled a little.

"Thank you for coming."

Kisa smiled back, and nodded. After he said bye, he left the school, and on his way back home, his mind was all around this new environment. He knew that high school students were different from university students, but still, he didn't have the slightest idea of how to handle them.

Well, he would find out, he figured.

As he got home, he fell onto his bed, and for a long time, all he did was staring at the ceiling. Now that he wasn't working, it was weird to be home on a weekday. But it was about to change. He didn't know where this sudden positivity came from, but it filled his mind and body. It was a nice feeling.

A day later, he got a call. They called him back from NN High School. He had gotten hired. For long minutes, he was just sitting in the living room, smiling like an idiot. When Yukina came over that night, Kisa told him everything about how the interview went and that he got hired. Yukina seemed so proud of him, and he even suggested to celebrate it, but Kisa turned it down.

"You don't like celebrating?" Yukina asked, a little surprised.

"It's not like that," Kisa replied. "It's just… not as much a big deal."

"Well, as you wish. Do you know when you start?"

Kisa nodded and showed his schedule the school just sent him through fax.

"Next Monday. They said they'd show me around and stuff."

They went quiet for a second. Then Yukina pulled Kisa closer for a hug. Kisa hugged him back, but he was a little bit surprised as to why Yukina did this suddenly.

"I'm missing you from university, Kisa-san."

Kisa blushed deeply, and he felt a little sad.

"Come on, don't be silly," he stuttered in embarrassment. "You'll get used to it."

Yukina sighed, and pushed Kisa away gently, looking him in the eyes.

"I know, but… That's the place where I met you, and where I've fallen in love with you. And now you're not there anymore, and it feels… I don't know, it feels empty."

Kisa shook his head with a soft smile, and then leaned to kiss Yukina.

"You should focus on your studies," he whispered. "Understood?"

And with a quirky smile, Yukina nodded.

"Understood."

* * *

Kisa was walking towards the office in NN High next Monday. He felt excited and nervous. He knocked on the door, and opened it.

"Good morning."

All the teachers in there turned towards him, and greeted him one by one. They seemed to be nice people, and it made Kisa ease up a bit.

"So, you're the new teacher," a young woman walked up to him to shake hands. She didn't look any older than Kisa himself. She seemed fresh and energetic. "Kawashima Yoko. It's nice to meet you."

"Kisa Shouta," Kisa introduced himself.

"Oh, you're already here," a voice behind him said, and as Kisa turned around, he faced the smiley vice dean.

"Oh, yes, good morning."

"Good morning, Kisa-san. Are you ready for your first day?"

Kisa nodded with a small smile.

"Alright. Then Kawashima-sensei is going to show you around. She's going to take you with her to her first class." Now the vice dead patted Kisa on the shoulder. "It's alright, if you could handle a university, high school is going to be a piece of cake."

When the bell rang, Kawashima left the office with Kisa on her side.

"So why the sudden change?" she asked while they were walking in the quiet corridor.

"It's a complicated story," Kisa shrugged. "Kind of personal."

Kawashima nodded.

"It's fine. Everybody needs some change, I guess."

They finally reached the classroom, and Kawashima opened the door. The whole class went silent as they walked in, all the students were watching Kisa with frowns. Kisa smiled at them, and stopped beside Kawashima as she turned towards the class.

"Class rep!"

The class representative stood up, and said:

"Stand!"

The whole class stood up.

"Bow!"

It kind of made Kisa feel nostalgic. Kawashima smiled at them. The students seemed to like her, judging by their behaviour.

"Good morning, everyone," Kawashima greeted them.

"Good morning, Kawashima-sensei."

"Sit!" the class rep said now, and everyone took their seat, their eyes still on Kisa.

"Alright, as you can see," Kawashima began, "there's someone new standing beside me. This is Kisa Shouta, a new English teacher."

The class greeted Kisa with a loud 'good morning'. Kisa greeted them back. Now Kawashima turned towards Kisa, and asked him to tell some things about himself to the class. Kisa did his best. The class listened to him without a noise. Kisa assumed that it was because they respected Kawashima-sensei a lot.

During the class, Kawashima would sometimes step aside and let Kisa teach. And Kisa found it fun. After class, Kawashima led him back to the office.

"I'm not very sure which classes you're going to be taking," she said. "It was the three of us before, and one of our English teachers left. I'm glad you're here."

Kisa smiled, but he wasn't very sure what to say. He didn't need to say anything, though, as Kawashima continued.

"You did great. You really have experience."

"Yeah," Kisa nodded.

"I'll give you all the notes and files, so you can catch up on the lessons. And I think you'll be fine from tomorrow."

"Thank you."

In the office, Kawashima grabbed a bunch of documents, and began to copy them. She handed all of them to Kisa alongside with a textbook afterwards.

"I've put sticky notes to the lessons that are finished. It's quite a lot, but you seem like someone who can handle it."

Kisa laughed softly as he put the documents into his briefcase. Kawashima took him with her to some more classes, and around noon, she thought Kisa was fine to go home.

"Thank you for today," Kisa said as he bowed.

Before he could leave, Kawashima gently grabbed her arm.

"Kisa-san, can I have a question?"

Kisa nodded a little uncertainly. Kawashima was still grabbing his arm, and honestly, it made Kisa feel a slightly bit concerned.

"Do we know each other?"

Kisa frowned, and Kawashima finally let go of him.

"I'm not very sure. Why?"

But the woman just shrugged with a laugh.

"You just look familiar. But you know why, though? You totally look like my little brother."

Kisa couldn't help but laugh with her.

"I guess so."

Soon, Kisa said bye to everyone, and headed home. The anxiety he had been feeling for the past one week seemed to fade. He had a lot of fun during the day. Now he was sure he would enjoy this new job, and he couldn't wait to be there tomorrow.

When he got home, he found Yukina sitting in front of his door, with his headphone on. Kisa waved his hand in front of Yukina's face to draw his attention.

"Oh, Kisa-san, you're back!"

"Yeah, but what are you doing here?"

He stood up, and hugged Kisa tight.

"I just wanted to see you. How was your day?"

"How was yours? You're not supposed to finish this early," Kisa frowned.

"I know, but… I guess skipping a few classes won't hurt."

Kisa gently punched him in the arm as he opened the front door.

"Yes, it is going to hurt."

Yukina sighed, and invited himself in.

"So? How was it?"

"It was more than fine," Kisa replied while taking his shoes off. "It's not gonna be any different than teaching at a uni, I guess."

Now Yukina squatted, and hugged Kisa from behind, which, for a strange reason, made Kisa blush.

"I'm glad you had fun."

Kisa leaned into his hug, inhaling Yukina's nice scent deeply. Yukina held him a little bit tighter, and planted a kiss on his neck.

"Kisa-san, did you realise…?"

"Realise what?" Kisa frowned a little.

"It's out first month anniversary in a few days."

Kisa turned around, a little taken aback.

"Really?"

Yukina's mouth curled upwards as he nodded. Kisa thought for a moment. One month wasn't too much time, was it? He didn't know if he should suggest a little celebration or not. Maybe it's better if they don't celebrate it just yet. It would be too soon in his opinion.

"What should we do on that day, Kisa-san?"

"I'll probably work, so maybe let's just do what we usually do."

For some reason, Kisa expected Yukina to be somewhat disappointed about it. But instead, Yukina nodded in agreement.

"I'm up to whatever you want to do."

* * *

But when the day of their first month anniversary came, despise of what Kisa said or thought, he was still nervous about it. Maybe he should have suggested a little celebration after all. It had been so long since he had a relationship that now that he actually had one again, he felt confused. Should he buy a gift for Yukina? Should he not?

What if Yukina bought something for him, and he didn't? Or vice versa?

Too many questions.

Come on, get yourself together, Kisa scolded himself. He was an adult, he should be able to handle something like a one month anniversary.

As he predicted, he was at work on that day. Kawashima was glad that Kisa had adjusted to the new school and environment this quick. In a few days, Kisa got to see every class, and in every teacher's opinion, he was ready to teach on his own.

"Good morning!" he greeted the first class as he walked in. "Class rep!"

The morning routine started. Kisa was surprised how good the students behaved, even though he was a new teacher. He had heard from several teachers that students sometimes tend to show zero respect to freshly started teachers.

Kisa had began the class. And he had a lot of fun teaching high school students. They were all interactive, they didn't interrupt him while he was talking to them, and it was comforting. When the class was over, some of them walked up to Kisa, and asked him funny questions, like, why he looked so young, or if he was married at all. Kisa answered them all, then left to the office.

"How is your first real day going?" the vice dean asked with a grin.

"Great so far, thank you," Kisa replied as he took a seat.

"He's doing just fine," Kawashima commented from across the office room. Kisa just noticed her. "Besides, while I was with him during classes, it seemed like students liked him from the start. Well, of course, he's cute."

"H-Hey…" Kisa blushed.

Kawashima rolled her eyes, and laughed.

"I'm not trying to hit on you. I'm just stating facts."

Some female teachers nodded in agreement, and Kisa blushed even more. He found it a good idea to bury himself into his notes and get ready for the next class. But Kisa couldn't shake off the feeling that Kawashima was watching him non-stop. It made him feel uncomfortable for a lot of reasons. Mainly because it felt like Kawashima set her eyes on him. But Kisa was already taken, not to mention that he had never been into women. Should he… say something? Maybe he was just overreacting. Kawashima said something like Kisa was familiar to her.

Well, god knew what was going on in her mind. Kisa sighed, and left to his next class.

When he finished after four in the afternoon, he walked around the area to find something, at least a little something, to give Yukina. Just a while back, Kisa couldn't have been able to imagine himself being this weird about a first month anniversary. One month of being together wasn't even that long. But still, his mind made such a big fuss about it.

He found a small shop full of little gifts and presents. The cashier greeted him with a happy smile, and asked if she can help. Kisa shook his head, and went to look around. Small plush animals, keychains, bracelets and other jewellery for best friend and couples. Kisa cracked into a big smile which he thought might have looked weird if someone saw him randomly smiling, but he didn't really care at that moment.

He had chosen something. And he was a hundred percent sure that Yukina would like it. Moreover, he would go crazy about it. He paid, and left to catch the earliest bus possible. He was as excited as if he was a teenager. He couldn't wait to give it to Yukina.

As soon as he got home, he dialled Yukina's number, and the other picked up immediately.

"Kisa-san? Have you finished work?" he asked excitedly.

Kisa nodded to the phone, not beilng able to hold back his smile.

"I just wanted to ask if you… you know… if you can, by any chance, umm…"

Now that he had to invite Yukina over, he just couldn't say the words. His heart was racing in his chest, and he was so nervous that his body was slightly shaking. But on the other end, Yukina chuckled softly.

"Do you want me to come over?"

"I mean… I know you're busy studying and stuff…"

"I'm on my way!"

And Yukina hung up. Kisa felt like he could scream. He collapsed onto the couch, and for a solid five minutes, all he did was staring at the wall. He couldn't recall a day when he invited Yukina over. It was always just kind of… natural for them to be at each other's place. And it was always Yukina to ask if Kisa wanted to stay over at his apartment, or Kisa would just bring Yukina to his place. But to invite him directly, well, that never really happened.

The only time he had invited Yukina over was back when he wanted to tell him that they should stop getting this close to each other. But they weren't together at that time, so it didn't count, did it? Kisa sighed. Ever since he started dating Yukina, he kept realising that he was constantly being confused about everything.

Kisa snapped back to reality when he heard knocks on the door. It must have been Yukina. He nearly ran to open the door.

"Good afternoon, Kisa-san!" Yukina greeted with his usual cheerfulness. "How are you doing?"

Kisa let him in, and watched him taking off his coat and shoes.

"Good, just, uh- wanted to see you today."

It felt kind of embarrassing to say these words, but seemingly, it made Yukina happier than he already was. Was it even possible for him to get happier?

"Aww, Kisa-san!" He literally jumped up to hug Kisa. "I wanted to see you, too. I know you said we shouldn't make a big deal out of our first month anniversary, but still-"

"Oh, about that…"

Kisa walked into the living room to get his bag. Just a few seconds later, he pulled out a little paper bag. Yukina was standing right next to him, curiosity in his eyes.

"Kisa-san, by any chance…?"

Kisa opened the paper bag. There was two necklaces in it. Both with half a heart on the chain. Kisa's face was burning as he pulled the jewellery out of the bag, and handed one of them to Yukina.

"I wasn't gonna make a big deal out of it, indeed," he began, stuttering, "But… I ended up, anyway. And I figured that maybe a matching thing would be perfect for us."

Yukina reached for the necklace in Kisa's hand, his face just as red as Kisa's. His eyes were teary as he was staring at the necklace. On the other hand, Kisa couldn't bring himself to look up. He had never thought he could be this romantic.

"Kisa-san, this is perfect! Thank you. I'm so happy!"

"I thought you would like it," Kisa whispered, and he finally looked up. He watched Yukina putting on the necklace. He did the same.

"Also, Yukina…"

"Yes?"

Kisa gulped. Can he say this after only one month of being together? Maybe he can. Maybe he shouldn't. But he took a glance at Yukina, and said it anyway:

"Please… Don't leave me."

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Hello there. It's been quite a long time, hasn't it? I've been caught up with work, and been also working on my original novel as well. Also, I was kind of on the verge of dropping this story, but... I wanna finish it, even if it's just for the sake of... having it finished, I guess ^^ Anyway, it's wild how we're only a few chapters away from the end. But it's still gonna be one hell of a ride so if you're still following and reading this, stay tuned.**

 _ **Ricchan**_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 – Realisation**

Several weeks had passed, and it was already February. The weather was perfect for hanging out in parks, or for having small walks around the block. And on weekends, Kisa and Yukina would be up to one of these things. Yukina was casually hanging out at Kisa's place, and Kisa decided to make a copy of his key and give it to Yukina. In exchange, Yukina did the same.

On weekdays, Yukina was often at Kisa's to study. Although they both knew he didn't really need help, Kisa was also certain that he was just there to spend time with Kisa. And deep inside, it made Kisa extremely happy.

"Kisa-san, I've just realised that our second month anniversary is going to be on Valentines Day," Yukina suddenly said one day. For a change, they were at Yukina's apartment. Yukina was lying on Kisa's lap, and Kisa was gently playing with his hair.

"Really?"

Yukina nodded.

"Wanna do something… special?"

Kisa bit his lips as he considered it.

"Maybe. But I'll be working on that day, and you have school, don't you?"

"Yeah, that's true…" Yukina grunted.

"Look, we don't necessarily have to celebrate it," Kisa said, poking Yukina's face gently. "I mean, I know you want it to be special, but… you see…"

"Hmm?"

Kisa's face went tomato red. He gulped before going on.

"You see, every day is… special with you, so… it doesn't have to be Valentine's Day."

Yukina gasped, his face got slightly red as well.

"That's… That's, like, the sweetest thing I've ever heard!" Now Yukina pulled Kisa into a tight hug. "I love you so much, Kisa-san!"

Kisa had never been good with feelings. Although Yukina said 'I love you' all the time, it still made him embarrassed occasionally.

Everything was alright.

* * *

When Kisa arrived at NN High next morning, he almost didn't recognise Kawashima. The first thing he had noticed so early in the morning was that her hair was different. She probably cut it shorter than it was. The long hair she had just a day ago didn't hide her face now, and she looked so different.

"What are you looking at?" she asked with a quirky smile.

Kisa blushed a little.

"N-Nothing, it's just… your hair. Why did you cut it?"

Kawashima swept a lock behind her ear.

"I used to have the same hairstyle in uni, and I kind of missed it."

Kisa smiled. She somehow reminded him of a friend he used to have. Although he doesn't even remember her name now. Come to think of it, Kawashima said something about Kisa looking familiar to her. Why is it that everyone reminds everyone of someone?

Kisa stopped walking in the corridor with a frown on his forehead. Why the hell was it that everyone reminded everyone of someone?

"Kisa-sensei, are you okay?" Kawashima turned towards him when she noticed that he had stopped walking.

"Oh, yeah," Kisa responded. "Sorry."

It was just probably his imagination, but actually, Kawashima looked familiar to him, too. And he couldn't tell why. Maybe it was just because for a moment, she looked like that old friend of Kisa. He sighed. Suddenly, his head began aching. Maybe he needed to stop thinking too much about things that were just mere coincidence.

He took a deep breath, and got himself together. He needed his full attention on his next class. But still… what if there was more to these things than just them being a mere coincidence?

* * *

Saturday.

Kisa was at his window, sipping a mug of hot coffee, and Yukina was lying on his stomach on the couch, chewing the end of his pen. A textbook and a notebook was laid in front of him. Like usual, he didn't really need Kisa's help, but Kisa loved that he was around.

"Kisa-san, I happened to walk past a nice pastry yesterday morning. I was thinking that we could get something from there," Yukina suddenly said, and his voice dragged Kisa back to reality.

"Now that you mention it, it's been a while since I've had any sweets."

Yukina seemed a little surprised.

"Huh? For real? Then we're definitely going! I don't take no for an answer!"

Kisa laughed at Yukina's enthusiasm.

"I've never said I don't wanna go, have I?"

Yukina rolled his eyes with a grin. Every time he grinned, Kisa fell in love more and more and more. It was so crazy how Yukina could do that to him with just something like a grin.

"Then it's settled."

Kisa turned back to the window, and Yukina seemed to get back to his studies.

"Also, I've met that lady yesterday as well," he said.

Kisa frowned a little.

"What lady?"

"Oh, you know, the one we ran into the other day. On the bus."

"Oh, her. So what?" Kisa took another sip of his coffee.

Yukina sat up on the couch, and stretched with a grunt.

"Nothing really. I just talked to her. She walked out of that pastry I mentioned. So, we talked, and she said some weird things. I've been thinking about them ever since."

Kisa looked a little taken aback as he was looking at Yukina, waiting for him to continue, but he stopped talking.

"What weird things?"

"Like, how I remind her of her son. But… her son died."

Yukina seemed quite puzzled. He scratched the back of his head as he put his textbook and notebook aside.

"Well, you can still look like what that boy used to when he was alive," Kisa commented. "But come to think of it… a few months ago, I've seen you on the bus I was taking, and-"

"Oh, really?" Yukina interrupted, but Kisa didn't really pay attention to that.

"And that lady was right next to me, staring at you. And then she said something like 'sometimes the ones you love leave you. And people around you remind you of your loved ones.' I think she's been seeing her son in you."

Yukina bit his lips with a sad expression on his face.

"It seems like there's someone who sees someone else in me."

And something hit Kisa. It literally felt like he was hit by a truck… a truck of realisation.

"Did you… ask what her son's name was?" Kisa glanced at Yukina. "I've been wanting to, but I could never bring myself to ask it."

"I actually did, but…" Yukina let out a heavy sigh, "She didn't tell. She was so sad that I felt very bad for asking that."

Kisa nodded, but he couldn't ignore the sudden shakiness that had taken over his body. _There's someone who sees someone else in me._ Yukina's words kept repeating in his head. The lady wasn't the only one. Kisa had seen his ex lover in Yukina for a long time.

And also, the lady was so familiar to him, and he could never explain why.

His heart was racing, his stomach clenched, and his hands were shaking so bad that Kisa needed to put the mug on the counter. Now Yukina stood up, frowning, and walked towards Kisa.

"Are you okay?"

Kisa took a deep breath. No, it can't be. It was just his mind playing tricks on him.

Now he suddenly understood why he kept asking himself how people around him reminded other people of someone.

"Yukina, grab your jacket."

"What?"

But Kisa didn't answer, just left the apartment with Yukina running after him. Kisa was heading towards the bus stop. He was almost entirely sure about what was going on, but he sure wished he was so wrong about all this. Yukina seemed puzzled when Kisa looked at him, but he was still following at Kisa, and didn't ask questions.

Fortunately, the bus came right when they reached the bus stop, and they hopped on, panting, looking for a seat to sit down. Thoughts were running across Kisa's mind, he was literally arguing with himself. A part of him was certain that he was overreacting the whole thing, and he was about to make a huge fool of his own self. But the other part of him wanted to talk to this lady, no matter what the risks were. He hadn't said anything to Yukina, and Yukina didn't seem to try and start a conversation. Although Kisa was sure Yukina wanted to know what was going on.

When the bus reached the district, they got off, and Kisa looked around on the crowded side walk. His chest was aching. His heart was racing. Now what? They were in the district the old lady said she lived in. But where did she live exactly?

"Kisa-san…"

Kisa turned towards Yukina. He was pointing at something. Kisa looked in the direction of what Yukina was pointing at. It was someone, not something. It was _her_. Kisa ran towards the lady, bumping into everyone on his way. Several people were yelling at him for running across them like that, but he didn't give a damn.

The lady was standing in front of a flower shop when Kisa reached her. She looked somewhat confused when she turned her glance at Kisa and Yukina.  
"Oh, well, well, look who's here," she smiled at them. "Did you guys run?"

"We… did, yeah," Kisa replied, gasping. "I need to talk to you, and it's sort of important."

The lady nodded, but she looked a little uncertain.

"You look pale, darling, what is it?"

Kisa took a deep, shaky breath before speaking, his body was trembling badly.

"Yukina said," Kisa pointed at Yukina behind him, "That you said he reminded you of your son. Right?"

It made the lady sad, but she nodded, and turned her glance down.

"I'm sorry about that," she said to Yukina. "I-"

"Please, I-" Kisa needed to take a deep breath again. He was close to freak out. "Are you heading to the cemetery?"

The lady looked like she was hit in the face. She went pale, and her eyes filled with tears. But then she grabbed Kisa by the hand, and dragged him across the crowd. Kisa followed her, and so did Yukina. He hadn't said a word ever since they got on the bus.

The cemetery was lying on a hill, and the path led up by an old, stone staircase. Up there, the path was grass, with tombstones on each side, surrounded by woods. It looked like the cemetery itself was in a forest.

It was silent. There was some people walking around slowly, some lighting candles, some cleaning tombstones or putting freshly picked flowers on them.

When they got deeper, the old lady stopped so suddenly that Kisa almost bumped into him. He was out of air, and he needed a moment before his breathing was back to normal. He looked around. The sunbeams merely shone through the bald trees around them, and the only thing he could hear was the birds chirping.

"I have… recognised you," she said quietly, taking a step ahead. "We're there soon. Kisa-kun."

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Hey there. This chapter is quite short, compared to the other chapters, but this is going to speed things up a little bit. Things are going to be clarified. Thank you for reading! ^^**

 _ **Ricchan**_


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